Why I am Terrified of The Flu More than Ever

Since I was not blogging most of last Spring most of you did not even know that Maizie became very sick. We were still living at our home in Indiana. J (Maizie's Dad) had left us on Christmas Eve and our lives had been in total upheaval. Maizie was stressed to the max and crying daily missing her Dad.

J had a visit with Maizie one night. He was gone with her about an hour when he had to bring her back due to her going into a bad CVS spell. J brought her in the house and within minutes he left.

Maizie was so sick with this CVS bout. Me and Maizie were in the living room and it was around two in the morning. She was in pain and vomiting from the CVS. I was cleaning up her latest spell when someone began knocking on our door with a force that sent a chill down my spine. I grabbed my cell phone and peeked out the window. Darwin instinctively knew something was not right and began showing his teeth and growling like I have never seen. I was not super scared until the two hundred plus man began hurling himself against our door repeatedly. When he began doing that I felt like I was going to collapse in fear. But then I looked at Maizie. She was sick and totally helpless. Staying calm was top on my list of priorities.

I called the police. Normally they would have me stay on the phone until a police officer arrived. For some reason they cut the call and I waited. And waited. And waited. As we waited the large scary man continued to slam his entire body into the door. Obviously he wanted in. He was yelling, "Bitch! Let me in!" He used some other colorful language that I won't repeat here.

Maizie was panicking and saying, "Mom! What does he want? What is wrong? Is he going to kill us?"

I told her to be calm and sat next to her hugging her as Darwin stood stiff at the door growling like a wolf. I was so proud of him.

Fifteen minutes passed and still no cops. Maizie began heaving and vomiting. I was holding her up while listening to this freak outside scream and hit my door. It felt like he was never going to stop. I called the cops again and they said they were unsure why no cop had arrived.

Suddenly everything was quiet. I looked outside and saw the man pissing on our porch and then jump into a car that had stopped in front of our house. He was gone and I was beyond relieved. Apparently he was "relieved" too. Sigh.

Maizie on the other hand could not relax. She was terrified. Understandably so. As my readers know this was not the first scary incident we had in our beautiful historic neighborhood. Unfortunately, a loser landlord let crack heads deal drugs out of the apartment house that was about three feet from our home. To this day Maizie mentions this incident at least once a week.

I texted Chris in the middle of the night telling him what was going on. Chris said, "Marla. You and Maizie will come to live here with me tomorrow. I will not take no for an answer." I felt such intense relief wash over me. With Chris I always feel safe.

It was probably not the best time to make a six hour trip with Maizie but I felt in the long run it was the best thing for both of us. I was also fed up with the hospitals in our area that did not know the first thing about Maizie's diagnosis yet alone CVS. Granted, at that point she was not needing to visit the hospital so I knew it was pretty safe to drive with her.

My parents were supportive and were beyond helpful in making sure me and Maizie had everything we needed.

The next day we made the six hour drive to Iowa. A new home was waiting for us.

Within days it became evident that Maizie's CVS had been compounded with the flu. She was losing weight rapidly and was unable to keep any food or drink down. A bad fever washed over her and what came next haunts me to this day.
Chris and I watched in horror as Maizie began to have seizure after seizure. She could not walk and was not coherent. In between the seizures she was having CVS spells. Chris carried her everywhere. I am quite certain Chris has never seen a child as sick as Maizie was. I remember saying, "Are you sure you want to sign up for this Chris? It is not easy and this time of year has always been rough." He did not hesitate and told me he loved me and he loved Maizie.

At the time his girls were with us. I packed up Maizie's bag and Chris wrote me directions to The University of Iowa Children's Hospital. I left in the middle of the night once I thought Maizie was okay for the drive.

Once at the hospital they just knew when they saw her. She looked bad. Very pale, her eyes were rolling back in her head and she was listless and dehydrated. They took us right back to a room where Maizie was hooked up immediately to an I.V. for fluids.

I went through Maizie's complete medical history as the Dr. requested. It was exhausting and my memory was taxed considering the hour and my nerves were shot. Of course they wanted to know why we were in Iowa and not Indiana so I had to share that mess of a story too. It sucked.

I was amazed when the doctor finally nodded when I had finished telling her everything and she said, "We are dealing with a very complicated child here. (Granted, I have heard that a million times.) This is what we will do...." I about fell out of the chair. Someone knew what to do?! I had never heard a professional sound so confident.

Normally I hear this, "She has what? Where did you get this diagnosis? " Whenever I heard that I wanted to throttle the emergency room doctor. It always felt like I was being suspected of neglect or abuse or who knows what. Lets just say I was never treated like a mom who had been in the hospital with her daughter many times before for this same situation. I was never before treated like a mom who knew what the hell she was doing to care for her daughter.

Here, I was treated with respect and they knew immediately that Maizie was in trouble. The only mistake they made was sending us home that morning. Within a short time we were right back at the hospital. Maizie went home with pneumonia, CVS that was out of control and the flu. They had not caught the pneumonia. When I took her back she was admitted and there we stayed.

Maizie was so sick that they were not sure if she would survive. I thought I was going to lose it. With everything we had been going through this seemed like more than I could handle. I reminded myself that Maizie has proven herself to be a fighter.

Maizie was set up with a pediatric neurologist, a pediatrician who specialized in difficult special needs cases, a psychologist who specialized in eating issues since Maizie was refusing to eat when she was getting better and a case worker to help us get local services. It was amazing. Much better than Indiana. Night and day difference. Granted, she still does not have services here but that is another post all together.

Finally Maizie did get better and I was able to take her back to our new home with Chris. She slept and slept some more. Recovering from that bout of illness was one of the most difficult struggles I have ever seen Maizie go through. Not only was she incredibly weak but she was mourning the loss of living with her mom and dad as a couple and she missed her Dad.

I was criticized by some for leaving Indiana so soon but I don't regret it. We are now near one of the best hospitals for a child like Maizie and in a school system that takes her health very seriously.

Which brings me back to the flu. I am trying hard not to be paranoid about the flu. Maizie's doctor insisted that everyone in this family have the flu vaccination. Chris, Maizie and me were all vaccinated. The girls are still waiting for more vaccinations to arrive to this area. None of us have had the H1N1 vaccination because it has not been made available here to anyone.

A few weeks ago four children in Maizie's class and one aide went home with the flu. One of these children had a sibling that was diagnosed with the swine flu. At the pediatrician's request the school notified me of half of her class being out sick. I removed Maizie from school and she was placed on Tamiflu for ten days. This week the children in her class were back and well so I sent her back. Thursday her best friend in her class went home with the flu and my mind began to run wild.

It hit me then that I can't keep Maizie in a plastic bubble. I can't keep her safe from all of these germs. The pediatrician tells me I just have to do my best to help her stay healthy. It is a balancing act because I don't want to become super paranoid and make her stay away from public places and I certainly don't want her to miss too much school. She is loving her class and thriving there. Thank you God!

So how do I balance my fear of Maizie catching the flu and it leading to another scary hospitalization? Add in the obsessive news coverage of this seasons flu outbreak and you have me...a very nervous parent of a special needs child.

I know I am not the only parent out there pleading, "Please! Please wash your hands and keep your fingers out of your mouth and off of your face." Did I mention that Maizie's latest anxiety coping method is putting her fingers in her mouth. Argh.

How do you keep from wanting to keep your child home every time you hear of an outbreak? Especially when the doctors advise me to pull her out of school at the first sign of an outbreak. There will be more flu outbreaks at Maizie's school. Obviously.

I wonder how many more times Maizie will be on precautionary doses of Tamiflu?

Breathe Marla. Breathe.