Remembering Waiting For Our Baby
This blurb is from my journal back in the day before I knew about blogging. Since we are into the month of December I always remember waiting for Maizie to be born and how excited I was. It seems like such a long time ago. Tonight Maizie had her first sleep over at a friend's house. She is growing up! I feel happy and sad all at the same time. Before she left she said, "I will miss you while I am gone Momma." So sweet! Joe looks so young in this photo. 
Here is the excerpt from my journal......
On December 9th our adoption counselor called and left a message that she knew the sex of the baby. We played phone tag and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Pure torture. We are having a baby girl! Maizie Marie! I am so excited. I still feel a deep level of uncertainty. Every day I imagine what the birth mother is doing and I feel like I can't wait another day. We are so close to the due date. I can't focus on much of anything. I am a mess. I feel separated from someone I all ready love. Is that normal? Am I putting all my eggs in one basket? This feeling is difficult to accept since I know the birth mother could change her mind. Our hearts could be broken and we would have to accept that. I know that God will get us through this waiting.
This ornament was my Grandmother Mercedes on my dad's side. My parents used to have quite a few of them. Mercedes collected them. I am lucky enough to have two of them. Once I looked for more on the Internet but had no luck. The only thing written on it is 'Ardult' and 'Japan'. Maybe one of these days I will come across some more of these beauties.
I got a text this morning from my friend Mindy who has been job searching for a long time. She found a job! I am truly happy for her and at the same time I wanted to cry. I had so enjoyed hanging out with her a day a week or so. Maralyn and Maizie were playing great together. Some days it can get kinda lonely being an at home mom. I know that I have other friends to hang with but Mindy has always worked full time. So being able to spend this much time together was great. Oh, well. We just have to go back to lunches, evenings or weekends. Obviously my moping is not what is important. The most important thing is Mindy found a job! I am really happy for her. I will miss her and the kids though.
Before dinner we needed some fun. The ongoing rain, cold and wind led us to want some play time. We went somewhere we never ever take Maizie. Maizie seemed up for the challenge. Chuck E. Cheese!
Here I am playing Scrabble. Joe must have taken this picture when he was playing with my phone. My iPhone was making the rounds. Everyone likes playing with it. I can't blame them. I love the thing.
This all reminded me of a post I read recently at 
Little Alex above loved the cool whip. She was using the other end of a butter knife to scoop it up. Alex kept saying, "More! Mmmmmmm." She could not get enough of the stuff. Of course for most of us watching her eat cool whip was very entertaining.
After that we went to Cindy and John's house with Pat to hang out and make fun of whatever happened to be on television. Oh, we also watched their cat Ishmael get stoned on cat nip. Wild times! This is what we do when Maizie is at Grandma and Grandpa's house!
I have some great news today. Maizie counted quarters at tutoring today. I know this seems like a little thing but truly it is huge. It felt like when she first decoded letters and began reading words after months of working at it. Progress! 
Maizie had just as much anxiety learning to read as she does learning math. Now she can read at a fifth grade level, comprehension is improving but still a struggle. What is truly lovely though is that she loves to read. She reads more than I ever did as a child. I will stop everything to listen to her read. I often wonder if she will be able to do math like she reads. Jeannie seems to think we will only be able to go so far before she won't get it anymore. We both agree that we can't give up. She needs to at least have some skills for daily life. Finally, I feel more hope that this goal will be reached.
She can now repeat the counting of quarters on her own which is a start. If I lay out a specific amount of change first she sorts it so it matches. She has a rough time determining the difference between quarters and nickels. Now we point out to separate the "eagles" and not rely on size. Finally, that seems to be working. Then, once all sorted she puts them in order from greatest to least and lastly she counts them. Her tutor Jeannie began slow with just pennies and nickels, then added dimes and today quarters.
Thank you Elissa for this award! It brings a smile to my day! If only I had a Wonder Woman costume to wear all day!
I am going to extend this award on to a second person who has always been my Super Woman since I was a kid, my little sister Melissa. Her blog 
Thank goodness Maizie prefers her Bitty Baby. She is bald and oh how beautiful she looks. Except where Maizie wrote the word 'this' on her leg. But, that is one thing that makes me love that baby doll all the more.
I tried to shake things up a bit by trying out my new i phone camera. The dogs did not seem interested at all. It was a good thing that they were lying still and all lazy like. I like all the feet in the picture below. You can also tell in this shot that Darwin is not getting any loving from Maizie...just Stella. Oh, how Darwin likes to pout. 
Today we paid the price for some time away from our daughter Maizie. She had a great time spending the night at my sister's house and playing with her cousin. They even went to see a movie together. For Maizie one of these events is pushing her to the limit, add in a movie and we are just asking for trouble.
Joe and I enjoyed our alone time. We both went to pick up Maizie feeling positive, relaxed and looking forward to a quiet evening with our girl. We create this positive day dream every time we pick Maizie up. Has it ever went the way we think it will? Never. But, over time it has improved. 
Like most children with autism, Maizie has a difficult time transitioning from my sister's home back to ours. Luckily, we have advanced from the melt down beginning upon first seeing her. Now, she will hold back until she is safe in the car. She will put on her shoes and say her goodbyes. A major accomplishment! It used to be that I would have to carry her kicking and screaming to the car. As she got bigger, dragging her to the car was a better description.
Once to the car she would sit behind the drivers seat screaming and throwing anything she could get her hands on for a good thirty minutes. Over time we just got used to planning extra time for her melt downs. They were not pleasant and my blood pressure would raise immensely. A few times I would crack, pull over in the car and scream some myself. Mind you, this was after ongoing lack of sleep, lack of support, lack of everything. Now, it is not so bad. She at least will usually buckle herself into the car and I can continue driving while she screams a bit and cries.
For the next few hours we will be pushed to our limits. Maizie will test our patience in every way possible. It is all I can do to not run out of the house and just keep running. This thought is not there as much as it used to be. I would always be imagining just jumping in my car and driving away, only returning when Joe could assure me Maizie was calm, relaxed and happy. Joe had similar thoughts. As parents we don't feel good having them but find them understandable considering the stress and exhaustion Maizie brings to our lovely threesome. We love her dearly and are thankful for the blessing that is Maizie. Believe me.
I am reading so many blogs of children suffering through sleepless night, endless health questions, tantrums that make most children's fits look like angelic behavior and it has me remembering how far we have come. My heart aches for these families. I know how tired they are, how lonely they are. But, I also know how far they will come...they just can't see it but tey have to believe they will go far. Maizie has far surpassed what I thought initially possible for her. Now, I expect she will far surpass what I think is possible for her future.
I know my parents went through similar feelings and worries with my older sister Marie. Now, she is living on her own with two sons. She does get a great deal of support from my parents but at the same time is this how far they dreamed she would go? I wonder how they feel about it and what their worries are for the next stage of my sister's life. For those of you new to my blog my sister had a stroke when she was six, is paralyzed on one side, deaf in one ear and blind in one eye. She is an amazing person and one of my best friends. She has surpassed odds unlike anyone I have ever known. How did my parents do it? I was there for most of it and I still don't know exactly. I think my mom would say through faith, through love, through lots of hard, exhasuting work and sacrifices.
