Transitions Ease Up Over Time

Maizie's favorite holiday has always been Halloween. I was not surprised when she began asking to visit the Halloween stores that open every year around this time. We picked up Christian on our way there. He kept saying, "I'm just a little bit scared. I'm gonna be okay though." Maizie gets a little nervous with some of the moving displays but she loves looking at all the costumes and spooky decorations. If she had our choice she would have our house totally decked out in Halloween decorations. Yesterday was my little sister Melissa's birthday. It was great to see my niece Alex. Maizie read her a book. They look so cute together. We gave Melissa her very first Webkinz. Of course I had to throw one in for Alex as well. Melissa has also become a vegetarian so we picked out a vegetarian slow cooker book for her. I love my slow cooker. Maizie had her teeth cleaned before the birthday get together so she was getting a bit tired by the time we went to my mom's house. It was not singing that was getting to Maizie but Alex's never ending talking. Which we all find adorable.

Maizie has a difficult time understanding Alex which adds to her stress. She feels frustrated and tired from filtering all the talking going on in the room. As a mom I can see how difficult these times are for her. I give her a lot of credit for working so hard to hold herself together.

Once we leave she may become upset and let out all of the pent up emotion and frustration. That can be hard for both of us to handle after a nice get together. Up until she was about six the leaving and "letting it all out" in the car was almost unbearable, for both of us. Sometimes we would have to sit in the car for up to an hour before we were able to leave.

I would like to say we had some magic that we made happen to ease those transitions after a social gathering. It takes a great deal of patience to make it through those times. I have always encouraged Maizie to "save it" for the car. Now she will even tell me if we need to leave somewhere quickly. That can be tricky when I don't want to leave. However, teaching her to let us know when she could not take any more was not easy. I have to respect her need to leave and encourage her sharing that with me. I imagine many parents out there can totally relate.

The Gift that is Technology

When Maizie was born I had the intentions of limiting her television viewing, she certainly was not going to be on the computer or playing game boy. Oh....how things have changed. It became clear early on that Maizie had an interest in technology. She was drawn to Joe's laptop at the age of one. In the photo above Maizie was just three years old. She navigates and uses the computer better than many adults we know. Granted, Joe and I both have a great love for all things tech and teaching Maizie in these areas comes easily.

Considering her lack of communication through words, anxiety, vomiting, extreme bouts of frustration and inability to focus at an early age we were thrilled when we found something that Maizie enjoyed doing. For years she was not interested in toys or television. It was hard for her to focus on anything for even a few minutes. Even eating was a struggle. But computers were different for her. She had more control and recognized this. I remember her working at the computer for a minute or two and then standing up and twirling around before sitting down for another two minutes of hard work. She liked that she could move around and when she returned the screen would be the same. Television was too busy, too unpredictable and certainly too loud.

In time it became clear that even her favorite computer activities could not be enjoyed. Her aggression and inability to focus increased. I never thought in a million years that I would choose to give my child medications. Granted, I had no real previous exprerience in such matters so it was easy for me to say that. The decision was not made easily. Medications helped her focus and reduced her outbursts. Maizie said things like, "My brain quiet now." You could sense the relief wash over her. Medications have enabled Maizie to focus, to learn, to communicate and lessen the intense anxiety and sensory issues that have always plagued her. That is not saying that finding the right medications has been easy. Anything but.

I have heard some people say that technology is being used by parents as a babysitter or like a medication. A way for the child to zone out and for a time leave their behavioral issues behind. To some degree it is true. A child who senses everything more intensely than we can even imagine finds refuge in an online world that they can control and disappear into. Parents are given a break from their child's frequent obsessions, outbursts or aggression. For us technology was at times a life saver. A break for Maizie when pain and frustration would not ease up. A break for me...of course.

Recently technology has brought about a new surprise. Communication. Webkinz have brought Maizie out of her shell a bit more. Not only is she learning but she talks to her animals and tells us about them in great detail. Joe and I play Webkinz and send her Webkinz mail. She asks us questions about our animals and takes great joy in seeing us play with our furry pets. It has been a way for her to focus and work on two way communication.
Her little friends are also into technology. Chloe asks Maizie questions about her Game boy games and better yet, Maizie asks her questions. They share Webkinz stories and recently they have both fell in love with Bellasara. I watch them as they teach one another how to advance in the games. Maizie helps Chloe decipher the stories. This give and take is a huge leap forward for Maizie.

It is amazing to me that she is learning how to balance her time with her game boy, computer usage and music. I used to nag her to get off the computer and put strict limitations on her using them. Once I decided to let go of my obsessive need to control her time she stopped feeling my pressure and has regulated it herself. It helps that we have more time for her favorite activities. She does not come home from school frantic, exhausted and irritable. She can start the day relaxing with her favorite Webkinz and then move on to other activities. I like hearing the lap top slam shut and her saying, "Okay! I am going to work on something now." Yes! Balance is the key.

Maizie's blogging has slowed recently but I know she will be back at it soon. Today she was thrilled to find out that the actors in iCarly all write blogs. She read me a post and with a huge grin said, "I blog too! Just like them!" Yup, she sure does.

A Grandfather recently developed a browser for his grandson Zachary, who is Autistic. This is a fantastic idea. We have moved beyond needing a program like this but it is certainly a step forward in helping children with special needs enjoy the Internet. We are planning a camping trip and will have no access to technology. I was explaining this to Maizie today,"You know...we won't be able to play Webkinz or Bellasara or blog or anything." She stopped walking, looked at me and said, "It's okay mom. I know you can handle it."