Forcing Change and A Bloggy Break

Maizie took her little larvae friends to visit Grandma and Grandpa. They slept next to her bed every night and she repeatedly told them to grow. Every day she says, "I want them to be butterflies now! Why is it taking so long?"

A perfect opportunity to talk about the process of growing and changing. We have been introducing the subject of what it means to be a little girl growing up and all the changes that go along with that. Maizie is not pleased with these conversations. We bought the book The Care & Keeping of You. Sigh. Maizie is not interested in reading it with me. I have given up for the time being. But, these butterflies seem to be a natural way to explain change and how it takes time and should be embraced, not feared. I hope these little talks are soaking in and Maizie's fear of the changes taking place in her life will subside.
I am pretty certain that Maizie thinks if anything major about her changes then she will be a "different Maizie". Just as she repeatedly says, "Mom. How long is your yellow hair gonna live?" Yup, she still hates my hair and I am feeling the pressure to color it dark brown again. Maizie has explained that it makes me a different mom and she does not like it at all.
So...we are able to talk about how excited she is for the caterpillars to change into cocoons and then into butterflies. Are they the same little larvae? What does the change mean for them? They will get to fly, see and experience new places and they will be beautiful. Slowly, I think these observations are sinking in.

The cocoons are attached to a little piece of paper inside the jar. Once secure in the cocoons you remove the paper and pin it to the butterfly habitat. As we did this the most amazing thing happened. The growing caterpillars or butterflies inside began to shake. You could hear a little rattle sound and they were bouncing up and down. Maizie and I were so excited to see this.

Maizie had the idea of opening the cocoon up and letting the butterflies out. I asked her what would happen if we did that. She thought for sure they would pump their wings and be ready to fly away. We all know they would not be ready and they would be in different parts of growth. More than likely they would not survive being forced open.

I asked her how if feels when she is forced to do something she is not ready to do, go somewhere she does not want to go, speak when she is not ready or able to speak? She nodded and told the little cocoons she loved them.
There is a lesson here. As I am trying to prepare Maizie for the changes ahead for her she is resisting and struggling to stay exactly the same. I push and push and she resists and pushes back. I have to relax and introduce the topic a bit at a time. Maizie has caught up intellectually in many areas but in some ways she is like a five or six year old in the body of a ten year old. This makes growing up all the more confusing and scary for her. There are times I forget that she is developmentally delayed and I expect more and more from her. I have to step back and stop myself.

We have to trust that God will give Maizie the time she needs to grow at her own pace. Trust that God will give me the patience, the words, the tools to help her accept these changes as they happen. It is often so easier said than done in a world that pushes change and insists on speed.

Tonight I leave Maizie and Joe to go on a weekend trip with my friend Mindy. We are going to a state park for some hiking and nearby shopping. I can feel myself getting nervous as the time to leave approaches. Maizie has been doing well and a stress like this is usually all it takes to push her over the edge into cyclical vomiting episodes. And yet, I have to go. If I am to grow and change and be more of who I am...I need time away.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I will be on a little bloggy break until Monday.