Day Two on Autism:The Musical...Thoughts Inspired by Wyatt

Wyatt is the son of Diane. Diane and Wyatt are having a heart to heart about Wyatt’s school situation.

Wyatt says, “One hundred percent of kids are retarded.” (In regards to his placement in a special needs classroom)

The mom asks,” Where do you want to be? Are you bullied in school?”
“Yes. When bullies grow up they get meaner.”

Click on the image above to view Wyatt talking with his mother about bullies.

I can speak from experience that Wyatt knows his stuff when it comes to bullies.

Wyatt talks a lot about bullying. I can’t begin to accurately describe the intense passion with which Wyatt describes bullies and what it is like to be at school with bullies. He has charisma and charm that defies description.

Elaine has the children do an exercise where they get to act out being bullies. Wyatt says, “It’s fun being a bully!”

A woman asks, “When you go back to school what are you going to do with real bullies?”

Wyatt looks at the camera and with great joy says, “That’s the mystery in the camera!”

Everything that Wyatt said holds a lesson for us to learn. He has insight into his own Autism and what it means to be Autistic. Wyatt sits swinging gently speaking on what it means to be in his own world and wonders why other people retreat into their own world. He is truly a child full of insight and is working hard to process what he knows and share it with us. Wyatt, like many people with Autism is a natural born teacher.

Most people think a child like Wyatt would be easy to place in school? He seems to hold his own and can speak. As the film went on many were probably shocked to hear that the parents were struggling to find a proper school placement for Wyatt. What they described is our experience with Maizie…completely. I am very glad this topic was brought up in the film. An entire film could be made around the struggle of Autistic children in schools. Or better yet…all children with special needs in schools.

Greg, Wyatt’s father explains that they are going to see an advocate/lawyer to help place Wyatt in a new school. The typical schools are not meeting Wyatt’s needs. Wyatt is not happy in the special needs classroom and wants to be mainstreamed.

To the parents surprise the lawyer reminds them that Wyatt has very low cognitive function. His test scores are low. I am assuming the parents were going to take the school to due process in order to fight for a private placement that would be paid by the state. They were vague so I am not certain. What is the cost for this lawyer’s service? A mere $430 per hour. If the case goes to due process it would run anywhere from twenty five to one hundred grand. Later the father says, “We’re pretty much fucked.”

Oh, how I know that feeling. According to HBO’S site Wyatt was able to get into a school especially for children with special needs and is doing well.

I am certain that is not the end result for most of our children. I have written about advocating with the schools before by giving my top list of tips. Even with my ongoing advocacy training and success with securing one to one aides for other students I was unable to secure a good school match for my daughter. There are no good choices for her schooling where we live. Private schools that are specially designed for Autistic children do not exist here. There are more families choosing home schooling for their Autistic child. I don’t know if I would really describe it as a true choice for us. It is more of a last resort.

Like Wyatt, Maizie did not fit into a special needs classroom. She longed to be with the mainstream classroom but zoned out and had little comprehension while there. Maizie was continually paranoid that children were laughing at her even when it was evident they were not. Her social skills were far behind her peers and she sensed it. Every evening she would cry and scream over what she perceived to be happening at school. Eventually we had to act as if it was happening and withdraw her from school for the sake of her own sense of self.

I would love to know more about Wyatt’s struggles in school and how this new school has been better for him. The focus always seems to be on everything but helping the kids that are here now. The press is all about the vaccines, the environment, the struggle and very little attention is placed on schooling and what we can do right here…right now…to help our children and adults with Autism.

What kind of supports would be helpful? I will start by asking our children and adults with Autism what they need. But will I be listening? Are viewers really listening to what children with Autism are saying in Autism: The Musical?

In everyday life it seems many of us are busy arguing the cause or the cure for Autism. I have forced ‘techniques’ on my daughter that obviously go against who she is. All because I want her to conform, to fit in to a world that often excludes the very essence that is her. Why do I do that?

Wyatt, Maizie and many other children are talking to us and we are so far off into our own world that we are not listening. Could it be at all possible that I am sometimes the bully in Maizie’s life? I don’t intentionally hurt her and never want to cause her stress so by definition I am not a bully. There was an underlying message in regards to bullying that was so strong in this film I have to question myself. I can’t ignore it.

If I know that certain ‘techniques’ or daily situations I force my child into cause her negative stress and physically bother her and yet I persist does that make me a bully? Sometimes, for my own reasons I force her to follow through, I coerce her to make eye contact, to speak to someone she does not want to speak to, insist she eat what she can’t tolerate and touch what repulses her, to stay seated, to go to a store she begs me not to, to hug when she does not want to be touched, to conform and fit in when she can not…and the list goes on. There is a better way.

I believe Wyatt is on to something with his interest in bullying. Are we hearing him? What are we doing with the information our children are giving us? They are all speaking to us. Whether through written words, the spoken word, sign language, movement, music, aggression, silence or art…are you paying attention?

Day One Review of Autism:The Musical

The premise for The Miracle Project is created by Elaine, single mother to Neal who is Autistic. Elaine’s idea is to, “shatter the myths of what a child with autism can do.” She opens a drama center and begins working with the children to create a musical. The environment was created with the idea of the children being surrounded by people who love them and accept them for who they are.

Are they successful? More than any program I have found for my daughter to participate in. If we had this program here I would sign Maizie up immediately. No doubt about it. And yet, I still saw parents in denial and unwilling to let their child be themselves.

Elaine’s son is shown climbing around on a table naked and throwing a tantrum. I am assuming that footage was originally taken to share with doctors. I know there was a lot of controversy about this scene. I don’t think the movie really needed to include the footage. It did not bother me as a mother of a child with Autism since I have seen my child behave in a similar way. I do wonder though what people who do not know about Autism would think. I don’t know what that scene really teaches or explains? Would that child be happy there is footage of himself climbing around naked? Probably not. What the mom is saying during that footage is far more important. I could relate to her words. Totally.

Elaine struck me as a mother who is willing to do anything for her son. There is a sense of desperation where Elaine is concerned. Her son would probably be considered the most severe of the children shown. He struggles with impulse control, speaking and engaging. Elaine is the instructor who will often insist her child and other people’s children look into her eyes when communicating with her. I found this extremely frustrating and uncomfortable to watch but it allowed me to watch this technique from the perspective of observer.

There was a time when I would force Maizie to make eye contact. I was the one grabbing her cheeks and saying, “Look in my eyes!” I was told by well meaning “professionals” to refuse foods or toys until she made eye contact and requested the item “properly”. The only thing this caused was an increase in aggression and low self esteem for our daughter. We stopped the technique and over time Maizie has become more comfortable making eye contact on her own terms.

The movie hints at Elaine’s obsessive need for eye contact. My husband Joe was bothered by it and said, “I think I would call it a bullying behavior on Elaine’s part and totally out of touch with the communication style and learning behaviors of the children. She was forcing them to do something they were very uncomfortable with.” I hope these scenes don’t cause my family and friends to grab Maizie’s cheeks and say, “Look at me in my eyes please!” Argh!

An aide named Veatrice works with a boy named Adam. The most harmful comment in the entire movie came from Veatrice, “If he wasn't Autistic I keep thinking…imagine the possibilities.” This reminds me that many of the people we hire and pay to work with our children are the very ones who keep them down unknowingly. They may have all of the best intentions but if that is true why would they say such things? About my daughter I say, “Yes…she has a chromosome disorder, she is Autistic and she has cyclical vomiting syndrome and yet, I see a whole world for her. She is amazing and her world is full of possibilities.”

Veatrice goes on about how she has worked with Adam since he was three years old. She explains that Adam has to be able to blend in with the other children. We are all always pushing for conformity. I don’t want Maizie to conform. I want her to be who she is.

Almost everything with Veatrice, the mother Roseanne and the father upset me. The father explained that Roseanne is resentful of his life because he is able to travel the world and her career is over. Roseanne says her job is to keep her son out of an institution. It is the father’s job to bring home the money, travel the world and at one point he describes Roseanne as a, ‘crazed mom of a disabled kid’. I am not sure what he meant by that but I was insulted by it. Joe says he sees some truth in what he said. In this respect it sparked an interesting dialogue between Joe and me. A movie that can affect us to this degree is definitely worth watching. As a couple we have certainly never seen a movie that so directly reflected many small aspects of our own lives.

In these people we saw a lot of ourselves and it was painful to admit.

The most positive aspect of this film is that it shows children with a wide range of skills. Maizie was often denied a diagnosis of Autism because she could make eye contact and is affectionate. All of the children in this film are wonderful, loving and affectionate children and all are Autistic.

This film has depth and brings up important issues. It will make you contemplate how you and others relate to your child with Autism or special needs. Anything that gets us thinking and pushes us to change, to improve, to get angry and to be filled with joy is worth watching.

At one point Elaine’s son is given a typing device to communicate through words for what appears to be the first time. His first words were directed at his mother. He tells her to listen to him more. That is powerful stuff coming from a non verbal child. Advice we should all take to heart.

Tomorrow I am going to write about a boy in Autism: The Musical. His name is Wyatt and he is obsessed with bullies.

Watch the movie online for a limited time.

Archer is Baptized and we Watch Autism: The Musical

Tonight we were able to get one of Maizie's favorite sitters, the mother of our best babysitter Amanda. Her name is Nancy and she radiates love and a passion for life that is contagious. Maizie senses this and soaks it up. She was thrilled to be able to spend time at Nancy's house.

Baby Archer was looking quite handsome in his baptism gown. In the photo above he is smiling because I am holding him. The ceremony was short and beautiful. Afterwards we went out to dinner with Sean and Carol's extended family. A nice time was had by all. We feel blessed to be baby Archer's God parents.

When we arrived at Nancy's house Maizie was "teaching" their dogs tricks. Boomer is seen in the picture above as Maizie places a snack on his head. Nancy's other dog Chloe was just as patient waiting for her treat. There is something about dogs for Maizie. I am convinced her ability to interact with dogs is a gift.

Joe and I just finished watching Autism:The Musical. After I let it all simmer I will share my thoughts on it. I fell in love with the little boy named Wyatt. I have never seen a child in a film where I said, "Oh...my...that child reminds me soooooo much of Maizie on a 'talkative' day." For me, that in itself was an experience.

Until tomorrow....sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite.