Maizie Loses her Beloved Zebra

We had a great vacation. Relaxing and a bit of an adventure. The vacation ended on a sad note. Zebra, Maizie's beloved guinea pig passed away suddenly. I noticed she was sleeping in her food bowl underneath the hay which was unusual for Zebra. When I picked her up she was listless and unable to walk. Just the day before she was popcorning and happy as can be. It was not too long ago we lost Clay, Sally's snake. In the photo above Zebra is on the right. Her buddy Salem is in the middle and Chloe's guinea pig Louie is on the right. Salem will surely be lonely but we will not be getting another piggie.

There was something special about Zebra. Maizie and Zebra would "play Candy Land together" and she was Maizie's nap partner through many long nights of CVS. Maizie is handling the loss well. It will not surprise me though if Maizie has not really realized what has happened yet. It might take her a few days before it really hits her. I on the other hand was a bit of a mess. Sometimes one small loss reminds you of past losses and losses yet to come.Chris bundled up and buried Zebra out back in a playdoh box. Poor thing. Poor Chris. It was beyond freezing out and the ground he was able to shovel through was where our sump pump drains. A muddy, cold mess. Sally helped which was nice. Once inside he set his nasty muddy shoes aside for a later clean up. Maizie and Mimi suddenly thought it would be good fun to tromp through the house in Chris's big shoes. Mud. Lots of mud all through the kitchen and hallway. Yuck! Apparently, children are drawn to muddy over sized shoes.

Maizie said a little prayer for Zebra today. As far as chunky guinea pigs go Zebra was the best. We will miss you Zebra.

Autism, Love & Loss of Pets

I knew I was in for a tear jerker when I opened up the latest issue of Psychology Today and found an excerpt from the new book 'Cowboy and Wills' An autistic boy's greatest love-and loss by Monica Holloway.Pets have been a constant part of my life with Maizie. Not every pet has been a match made in heaven but a few pets have managed to change Maizie's life for the better.

Monica Holloway writes, "When Wills was anxious or sad about something, he confided in Cowboy. Sometimes I'd hear him in his room or the backyard telling Cowboy all his troubles."

Pets are great for children and adults alike but I must agree that when a child with Autism has a special bond with a pet wonderful things happen.

Will's dog Cowboy helped him feel confident when he was around people. His sensory issues were often calmed with Cowboy's presence. My experience with Maizie and Darwin has been the same. Darwin is always there for Maizie and she has been there for him too.Unfortunately, Cowboy developed Lupus at the young age of two. Will's and Cowboy's days together were cut short.

Holloway writes about talking to Will about Cowboy, "It feels horrible, unthinkable, that Cowboy will die, " I said. And then, using Katherine's words, I told him, "It might even feel like you can't live through it, but you will."

I have this feeling that Cowboy and Wills is more than a book about a boy with Autism and his dog. It truly is a love story.

Do you know that overwhelming gut wrenching emotion that is beyond words, the one where you truly believe you can not and will not survive the pain of it? The pain of a broken heart? Or is our heart breaking in order to fit in more love? Breaking to create more space within our hearts than we ever thought was possible?

We do survive that pain. It can make us better or worse. Ultimately, it is our choice.

Recently Chris's daughter Sally lost her pet snake Clay. Sally's pain and tears were intense when we told her Clay went to snake Heaven. She screamed out, "Noooooo! Why? Why?"At first we tried to explain and explain and then we realized nothing we could say would stop her pain. Sally had to feel it.

Holloway said it well when comforting Will, "There was nothing I could say to make this any easier. I had run out of words."

I have worked years to get Maizie to communicate feelings to my liking. To carry herself in a way where she would be more likely to fit in. Yet, is she not more beautiful when she is comforting Darwin or a friend without words? We try to fill every moment with sound, with words and explanations. It is no wonder why children with Autism are so drawn to pets. Pets allow them to be exactly who they are.

I have a lot to learn from Darwin and the guinea pigs. Sometimes the best way to get into Maizie's world is to stop expecting her to be totally into mine. There is a beauty to running out of words. Now the difficult part is letting the words float away when I want so badly to speak them.