Maizie Loses her Beloved Zebra

We had a great vacation. Relaxing and a bit of an adventure. The vacation ended on a sad note. Zebra, Maizie's beloved guinea pig passed away suddenly. I noticed she was sleeping in her food bowl underneath the hay which was unusual for Zebra. When I picked her up she was listless and unable to walk. Just the day before she was popcorning and happy as can be. It was not too long ago we lost Clay, Sally's snake. In the photo above Zebra is on the right. Her buddy Salem is in the middle and Chloe's guinea pig Louie is on the right. Salem will surely be lonely but we will not be getting another piggie.

There was something special about Zebra. Maizie and Zebra would "play Candy Land together" and she was Maizie's nap partner through many long nights of CVS. Maizie is handling the loss well. It will not surprise me though if Maizie has not really realized what has happened yet. It might take her a few days before it really hits her. I on the other hand was a bit of a mess. Sometimes one small loss reminds you of past losses and losses yet to come.Chris bundled up and buried Zebra out back in a playdoh box. Poor thing. Poor Chris. It was beyond freezing out and the ground he was able to shovel through was where our sump pump drains. A muddy, cold mess. Sally helped which was nice. Once inside he set his nasty muddy shoes aside for a later clean up. Maizie and Mimi suddenly thought it would be good fun to tromp through the house in Chris's big shoes. Mud. Lots of mud all through the kitchen and hallway. Yuck! Apparently, children are drawn to muddy over sized shoes.

Maizie said a little prayer for Zebra today. As far as chunky guinea pigs go Zebra was the best. We will miss you Zebra.

Autism, Love & Loss of Pets

I knew I was in for a tear jerker when I opened up the latest issue of Psychology Today and found an excerpt from the new book 'Cowboy and Wills' An autistic boy's greatest love-and loss by Monica Holloway.Pets have been a constant part of my life with Maizie. Not every pet has been a match made in heaven but a few pets have managed to change Maizie's life for the better.

Monica Holloway writes, "When Wills was anxious or sad about something, he confided in Cowboy. Sometimes I'd hear him in his room or the backyard telling Cowboy all his troubles."

Pets are great for children and adults alike but I must agree that when a child with Autism has a special bond with a pet wonderful things happen.

Will's dog Cowboy helped him feel confident when he was around people. His sensory issues were often calmed with Cowboy's presence. My experience with Maizie and Darwin has been the same. Darwin is always there for Maizie and she has been there for him too.Unfortunately, Cowboy developed Lupus at the young age of two. Will's and Cowboy's days together were cut short.

Holloway writes about talking to Will about Cowboy, "It feels horrible, unthinkable, that Cowboy will die, " I said. And then, using Katherine's words, I told him, "It might even feel like you can't live through it, but you will."

I have this feeling that Cowboy and Wills is more than a book about a boy with Autism and his dog. It truly is a love story.

Do you know that overwhelming gut wrenching emotion that is beyond words, the one where you truly believe you can not and will not survive the pain of it? The pain of a broken heart? Or is our heart breaking in order to fit in more love? Breaking to create more space within our hearts than we ever thought was possible?

We do survive that pain. It can make us better or worse. Ultimately, it is our choice.

Recently Chris's daughter Sally lost her pet snake Clay. Sally's pain and tears were intense when we told her Clay went to snake Heaven. She screamed out, "Noooooo! Why? Why?"At first we tried to explain and explain and then we realized nothing we could say would stop her pain. Sally had to feel it.

Holloway said it well when comforting Will, "There was nothing I could say to make this any easier. I had run out of words."

I have worked years to get Maizie to communicate feelings to my liking. To carry herself in a way where she would be more likely to fit in. Yet, is she not more beautiful when she is comforting Darwin or a friend without words? We try to fill every moment with sound, with words and explanations. It is no wonder why children with Autism are so drawn to pets. Pets allow them to be exactly who they are.

I have a lot to learn from Darwin and the guinea pigs. Sometimes the best way to get into Maizie's world is to stop expecting her to be totally into mine. There is a beauty to running out of words. Now the difficult part is letting the words float away when I want so badly to speak them.

Guinea Pigs, Ensure & Mashed Potatoes All the Time

Last weekend we had the honor of being invited to a very special birthday party for a little sweetie pie named Louie. Louie is the guinea pig above, being held by his loving Chloe. Sometimes you just gotta come up for reasons to have a party. Chloe and her mom Susie went all out for Louie's one year celebration. Of course we had to bring Salem (in the middle above) and Zebra (on the right). Maizie dressed them in their finest gingham dresses while Louie greeted us in his hot jungle gear. Louie did the 'Jungle Boogie' quite a few times while playing with Zebra and Salem and had to be removed from the play area to cool off. Later for cake and ice cream Louie changed out of his jungle wear into his Cowboy gear. He was looking good. Zebra really took a liking to him...except once the food was brought out for the piggies she pretty much forgot all about Louie.Now really, have you ever seen anything so adorable? We just love our little piggies.


Now on to part two of this post. Braces don't mix too well when a child already has sensory issues relating to food. Well, maybe it is not the braces so much as it is the expander. Crap! I just realized I forgot to turn the little crank on the expander again tonight! Ahhhh!

Okay. Getting back to the subject here. Maizie is having a very difficult time learning to eat with the expander in. The two times she has tried to eat food with real substance she panicked. Once the food was stuck at the roof of her mouth she could not focus on anything but getting it out...immediately. One of her teachers at the Center had an expander when she was a kid and said that you kinda have to suck the food out at the top. She explained that food will just keep getting stuck up there throughout the meal. Maizie does not have the patience or maybe a better word would be tolerance for that.

Immediately she runs to the bathroom screaming and crying, insisting I get the food out immediately. Next we spend thirty minutes in the bathroom picking out the food with a special tool the orthodontist gave us. This does not go well. I feel so sorry about the whole thing and wish I could find the right words to explain how to deal with the expander.

The other night I picked up Pineapple chicken at Maizie's most favorite Chinese restaurant in the world. She loves pineapple chicken. This was the meal that encouraged her to start eating again the last time she was hospitalized for her CVS. If anything would encourage her to tolerate food in the expander this feast was it.

We brought the take out home and Maizie was feeling positive. I sat next to her, encouraging her through each bite. She ate quite a bit and seemed pleased. We were on a roll. After a few bites she ran to the bathroom. I tried to calm her. I asked her to consider just leaving the food in the expander and eating some more. Nope.

I acted out a few different ways for her to get the food out. No go. She was angry and insisted she was never going to eat anything again. Here is what she said between sobs and spits of food as I worked diligently to dislodge it, "Mom....I am only going to....eat.....mashed potatoes...and Ensure....don't EVER....make....me eat...anything else...ever again!"

I am hiding protein mix in the mashed potatoes and on a whim I picked up some Ensure the other day. It was a long shot. I told Maizie that Ensure was a great drink that would give her lots of energy for school.

Amazingly enough she said, "For school...it will give me energy? I'll drink it!"

I about passed out. Knowing she is drinking the Ensure allows me to rest a bit easier since eating has become so difficult. The last thing we need is dehydration and an extended CVS bout. Not eating well does not help with CVS. With the stress of her new schedule and braces she has had two CVS bouts in the last two weeks. The Autism Center was still doable since her episodes were in the morning and school is scheduled for after lunch.

Despite it all she is proud of having her braces and is loving the Autism Center.

Tonight Maizie had more energy than she knew what to do with. Finally I cracked and said, "Maizie...please...please be calm!"

Maizie bounced over to me, held my head between her hands with great force and said, "Mom! You gave me too much Ensure! That's why I can't stop!"

Maizie's First Day at the Autism Center

Wahoo! Can you see the excitement in Maizie's face? Today was her first day at the Autism Center. The first day was short. She decorated her cubicle with a few Jonas Brothers posters, arranged her books and played some games with a few new friends.I took the ol' first day of school photo. Maizie cooperated for the first shot and then began chasing me. Notice the large back pack she picked out. She filled it with her lunch box, a Webkinz and a some knick knacks from her room. I am happy to say that Maizie was told to bring anything that would help her feel comfortable. I love this shot because you can see how ecstatic she is. School today did not begin until three thirty so she was antsy all day. Finally, I took her shopping for new school clothes. A great way to pass the time.

Her normal hours will begin around noon. Wonderful! This gives her plenty of time for her morning rest. If she has a CVS episode we won't end up missing school since they typically occur in the morning. To celebrate the first day we went out to dinner at Maizie's favorite Chinese restaurant. Once home she spent some time with the guinea pigs Salem and Zebra. Yes...those are cute lil' gingham dresses the guinea pigs are wearing. We purchased them for Louie's (Chloe's guinea pig) Birthday Party! Chloe & Susie are planning a kicking party. Zebra and Salem want to look their best.