Just Not Feeling It or Feeling Too Much. So I Knit.

I finished my first knitting project last week. A cozy blue and brown scarf. Soon I take a class to make a matching blue hat. This weekend I began making a doll blanket for my sister Melissa's little girl Alex. Since I don't know how to read a pattern yet I am making it up as I go in a totally relaxed way. This is called "grunge" or "flow knitting". Thankfully, I don't expect Alex to be too critical of the finished product.

Life is moving along and I feel as if I am moving forward at a snails pace. This is not necessarily a bad thing but it can be uncomfortable. Rebuilding my foundation, letting go of the past and moving forward requires me to find that part of myself that has been missing for quite some time.

Art work is not happening but knitting is. I want so badly to be producing art. This lack of productivity frustrates me to no end.

Knitting has taken over and I have to believe that it serves a purpose for now. Writing is not where I want it to be either! Argh. I want to blog and nothing is there. Breathe Marla. Breathe.

Instead, I want to be knitting all the time.

I came across this passage in a book titled,"The Knitting Goddess" by Deborah Bergman.

"It became apparent that as I knitted yarn, I was also naturally knitting myself together and also nurturing myself with one of the most appropriate metaphors, and also physical realities, that I could have chosen for myself. I was not only knitting together a garment, but also the seen and unseen, the solid and the evanescent, the conscious and the unconscious and light and dark in myself."

This writing made sense to me because I have never thought of myself as someone who would knit. And yet, recently I was drawn to knitting and now I can't stop. When I am knitting my mind works and rests. Thoughts and memories come and go. Sometimes images/memories are intense. My hands begin to knit quickly and my mind runs and runs and then gradually something is discovered, remembered or let go. I am more interested in what I am finding through knitting.

There are no words for these knitting revelations. Not yet anyway.