My Foundation Breaks and Other Stuff

Since my last post my foundation had been shook. You know the feeling? You are going along all happy like and then....boom...something happens and you "wake up". Tears flow constantly and you start to think you are going to crack. The entire time realizing that you are blessed while others are suffering. Suffering through what has been a passing worry for me... a fear that I have pushed down repeatedly and buried far away from my conscious self.

You feel like someone has kicked you in the gut. Everything looks different and more intense. I breathe and do the only thing that feels right. I focus on those I love. Or at least that was my intention. Instead I was cranky and tired from crying and lack of sleep. I took most of it out on Joe and Maizie. In other words I was a mess and behaved like a real bitch to the two people I love the most.

I send prayers for those who have moved on from this earth and that those who love them will be comforted and able to awake in the morning and function a little better with each day. Friday I went over to my mom's to babysit my niece Alex. Before I knew it Maizie was begging to have little three year old Alex spend the night at our house. This would be the first time Alex stayed with us. I was optimistic. We took her out to dinner for pizza and she was all wound up. As always she insisted in sitting next to Uncle Joe. Maizie was easily annoyed by Alex and when Alex left Maizie said, "I am done with that crazy cousin nonsense. I am sorry I made her stay Mom." Hmmm....I am sure Maizie did not mean it like that. Adding an ornery three year old to our quiet abode was a challenge for Maizie and me.Alex cried a bit when she was trying to fall asleep, "I miss my mama. I miss my daddy." Even Aunt Marla can't compare to the comfort of her own parents.

Alex instructed me to pat her back in just the right way. After about two hours she finally fell asleep...next to me...in my bed. Sigh. Joe was forced to sleep on the couch.

Let me just say it has been a long time since I have had to share a bed with a toddler. Alex flopped around like a fart in a frying pan. I was kicked, poked, reminded to pat her back throughout the night and she always had to be holding my hand and a few times my hair. It was sweet and miserable at the same time.

At about two in the morning I heard a loud thunk. Alex had fallen off the bed. Whatever adrenaline was left in my adrenals was used up right then. I leaped off the bed and picked her up with superhuman strength and began patting her back before she realized what happened. Whew. She fell back to sleep and when morning came I woke up exhausted.Alex woke up ready to greet the day! "I'm weady to ged up Mara!" Oh....crap. So soon? Are you kidding me? You want to do what? Hold the guinea pigs now?

Saturday we did nothing. I went to bed early because I looked like crap, my eyes were a swollen mess. The clown look is not good for me at all.

Sunday Ryan and Alison were visiting from Jersey. Ryan was born and raised, like me...in Iowa. Then, like me...he moved to Indiana. He worked for my Dad's company for a while with Joe. I think Joe moved to his current company first, followed by Ryan? I get it confused. Both Ryan and Joe are self taught in network/telecommunications engineering. They are gifted and neither have college degrees. They don't need one. In that field you either have the ability to learn it quickly or you don't.

When we lived in Jersey Ryan practically lived at our house. Making friends in Jersey is not easy so all of us country hicks stuck together. Ryan has toughed it out in Jersey. He tries to convince Alison who was born and raised there to move to the Midwest. Alison sighs and makes a look like she rather be anywhere but in this tiny town. Ryan and Joe are in a field where living in the Midwest is nearly impossible. We are lucky to be living here. Traveling sucks and Joe spends a great deal of his time in Jersey still. Tonight I never heard from him so I am assuming he is enjoying a meal at Good Fellas. Again.

Hopefully Alison and Ryan can come up with a unique compromise that works for both of their careers. Maybe a wonderful cabin like home in the country areas of Jersey. There are some gorgeous areas there. Unfortunately, like we have found out...in the country you can't get good, fast, reliable Ethernet. Argh. Maizie took this picture. Ryan was playing with his iPhone constantly. Maizie was playing with mine. Ryan shared a YouTube video of a girl exercising on the Wii Fit Board. Yup, not quite as "nice" as the guinea pig videos Maizie was showing off. Alison is a very patient woman.

Sunday night we went to my sister Marie's house for pizza and DQ ice cream cake. Yes! We were celebrating Daniel's 14th birthday. I tried to get a picture of Daniel but he refused to smile for any of them. He had a nice birthday. Christian asked me to take a picture of his dirty feet again. Too funny.

A few of you have asked how Daniel is doing. He is doing well. Daniel brought his grades back up and is thinking positively for the new school year. His computer is back and it continues to be somewhat of an issue. Whenever I have been over though he has friends over and they are on the move. That is progress.
Today Maizie and I went to Chloe's house for play and out for dinner. They had fun dressing up their stuffed animals and entertaining us with their dance moves.At dinner they both brought their DS's and "compunicated" before dinner arrived. There was lots of giggling and intense concentration. Ah, the joys of modern technology. Susie and I talked and talked and they were quietly typing away. It was nice, very nice.

Savonna Turns Five

Yesterday we celebrated Savonna's 5th Birthday. She is seen above in a white bridesmaids dress that Maizie passed on to her for dress up play. I was sorry to see that dress go but Maizie insisted Savonna needed it since she was too big for playing dress up.

Maizie waited anxiously for one of her favorite things in the world...a birthday party. She lives for birthday parties, especially the birthday cake. We have been blessed with friends who throw very low key parties....therefore successful parties for Maizie to attend. Since everyone has sensory issues to one degree or another we were all more than happy to help Savonna with the stress of the birthday song. She does not like the loud singing. We all whisper sang it instead. Savonna was quite pleased.

We put together our cooler of drinks and walked the long walk (two houses down) to Janeen and Brian's house. Maizie dressed her Build A Bear Unicorn in a birthday dress and insisted on taking it. She must have had some sixth sense that all of the girls would be showing off their latest Build a Bear creations. Susie's daughter Chloe brought her very first Build A Bear. A stuffed orange cat that has been her favorite. It looks very loved. Brian borrowed a bubble machine from some friends but they were lacking in bubble mixture. I ran home in search of bubble potion. I came back with three small bottles that must have been lacking in potency for the bubble machine. The bubbles that came out were few and far between. The room went silent and Joe spoke, "I have a bubble recipe saved on my blackberry. We can give that a try."

Okay. My husband has a bubble recipe saved on his blackberry? Excuse me if I was a tad shocked. A little confused. Brian was thrilled. It only took a few seconds before they were measuring and concocting what Joe insisted would be the best bubble mixture ever. Joe said he had come across the recipe one day and wanted to try making the mixture with Maizie. I wonder when that was? How long had he saved this magical recipe? Did it ever come in handy at his company team building retreats? Very cute.
The mixture was awesome. The machine was blowing out bubbles like there was no tomorrow. Before long Cindy could not help herself and began looking for various kitchen tools that would work for blowing bubbles. First up, a can opener. Then a whisk. The kids thought this was great. Poor Janeen had quite the mess to clean up later.

Happy Birthday Christian!

Last night we went to my mom and dad's house to celebrate my nephew Christian's fifth birthday. Maizie had two big seizures that day. We were very lucky to have even left the house last night. I was so worried we were going to need to cancel.

It seems the only time we can really get out is in the evenings. It is like we are vampires. Too weird.

Christian was so excited to be turning five. He says he is sure he will be able to ride his bike faster now that he is the big ol' five! I am sure he is right. This was the first time Maizie and Christian had seen one another for weeks. They are so close that when they are apart they really miss one another. We will have to start visiting in the evenings until we can get Maizie feeling better.

Welcome Baby Archer!

On Friday January 25, 2008 Archer Michael was born! You may remember me telling you about the birthing class I attended with my friend Carol. Well, this is her little guy! He was born on the day we had to put Maizie in the hospital for her EEG.

This added some extra excitement to our hospital stay since Carol was just down the hall and around the corner from Maizie's room! Sean and Carol are so happy with their first baby boy. I must say he is a cutie.

So far they report he is sleeping well during the night and cries when he needs things. Usually he is quite quiet and relaxed. Sean says, "Just like we ordered." Hmmmm......must be nice! ;)

My Dad Turns 60 and Other Happenings

Today we went to my parents house to celebrate my Dad's 60th birthday. Before we went I said to Maizie, "We are going to Grandma's for Grandpa's birthday party. She said all excited like, "Yes! That means we get to eat cake!" For Maizie it is all about the cake. Today though Joe made home made brownies with home made frosting to take to Dad's and Maizie loved them. I must admit they were very good. The best I have ever had. When we first arrived Maizie was acting quite tired and took a little rest. In a few minutes though she was up and playing with cousin Alex and Christian. Christian was on his Great Aunt Julie's team for Scrabble. He was getting into it. Julie was quite patient with his ongoing need to place letters on the board before a word had been chosen. Too cute! Oh, and just in case you were all wondering...I won Scrabble tonight. Yeah, I rock. Later the kids were quiet so I went down in the basement to search for them. I asked Maizie if she was watching Alex for me and she laughed and said, "No! She is watching me!" That struck me as so funny. Especially since Maizie has been very ornery lately.

Maizie picked up a pile of my mom's (Grandma's) bills and asked her what they were. Grandma said, "Those are bills." Maizie then said, "Oh, I can take those and shred them for you at home if you want me too!" Too funny! Joe bought a paper shredder and Maizie is totally into shredding everything she can get her hands on. She even blogged about it.
Alex was enjoying a big ol' mug of hot chocolate while Grandpa blew out his birthday candles. Alex loves chocolate and ate two helpings of chocolate ice cream and a piece of cake. Yummy! She kept signing 'more' and saying, "More! More!" in between bites. She got her point across. I got to give her a bath tonight which was fun. She was filthy with chocolate.
Alex continued eating and drinking her cocoa at the table long after everyone else had finished. If anything it keeps her quite entertained. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Tomorrow we are hoping to go to Target. Yes!

Happy Birthday Maizie!

Today we celebrated Maizie's 10th birthday. We always have the party early due to the excessive stimulation that comes with the month of December. Most of Maizie's friends have birthdays in December and there is the overwhelming energy that is Christmas.

Check out the beautiful cake our friend Cindy made! She is so talented. How does she do it? They are also very yummy yummy!

Maizie's actual birthday is on December 23rd. We are going to borrow a great idea from Demetrius's Dad at My Autistic Boy and Other Adventures in Fatherhood. The night before Maizie's birthday we will beg all of our friends to come over and help us blow up balloons. Then, we will fill her room with about a hundred balloons. Jerry blew all of the balloons up himself. I guess if we can't get any friends to come over we will do the same! But, wow...I can't imagine the work involved. When Maizie wakes up in the morning hopefully she will be quite excited to see her room transformed. Maizie loves balloons so I think she will totally love it. Here is a picture of Maya, Jerry's daughter waking up to her balloon surprise! She looks so happy!

Maizie did a few "firsts" today. She actually allowed Mindy to tie a bandanna around her eyes for "pin the heart on the lovers" game and then she actually played it. With all the parties we have been to Maizie always refused to play games like this. Maybe being in her own home helped. Joe and I were both surprised and glanced at one another knowingly. Very cool. She also stood up in front of all the kids and did a dance while playing a DVD game. I was amazed! Such an increase in confidence! I love it!

The kids all gathered around Maizie to open gifts. No tantrums or anything. It went great. I love the picture below because they are all making such unique faces.
After all of the birthday games, lots of food, cake and most importantly Mikes Hard Lemonades....we all took off in the pre blizzard weather to Mi Pueblo. This was kinda pitiful since almost all of us ate there last night too. Oh, well. It is always yummy. Savonna, Maizie and Christian had a great time. Look at those smiles! Of course what goes up must come down.
Once back home all was well...for a little while. Maizie seemed to be doing pretty good playing with her new toys and decompressing from the long long day. However, when bedtime rolled around she melted down. I guess most children would at that point. Maizie was so tired and ready for bed but she insisted she was hungry. This is a common theme when she just needs to crawl in bed and sleep. Instead she wrapped herself up tightly in her new High School Musical blanket and curled up in a corner saying, "I just need to sit here!" She was right. After a while she said real quiet like, "Mom...Please come here so I can talk to you." A long hug with some comforting deep pressure applied and up to bed we went.

Believe it or not we had no intention of having a birthday party this year. I don't think it is all that cool to have a birthday party every year, but Maizie likes routine and this seems to be part of what she considers, "necessary". We were planing just a very tiny family gathering. Maizie began planning the party on her own. She made lists for guests, what we needed to buy, games and told us it had to be a High School Musical theme. We ignored her for quite some time. Eventually she taped the lists next to the computer desk and insisted they not be removed. Before long it was clear that we she was planning a birthday party and we had better step up and get busy. Maizie knows what she wants and that is one thing I love about her. I am not saying she gets anything she asks for...but when she puts most of the work into planning something how do we say no?

Please visit Maizie's blog and view her High School Musical Birthday pictures. Let her know you stopped by! She will be thrilled. I am hoping she will add dialogue tomorrow. It may take her a day or two to recover from today. She dictates best when she is full of energy.

Cool Tub, Lovely Gifts and Red Velvet Heaven

Tonight we went to my parent's house to celebrate my birthday. We cooled off in the hot tub...made cool for summer. Christian has been struggling with a fear of the water so I was encouraging him...again...to get into the tub with me. He came over and sat near me while I was in the tub. I was telling him how I would not let him fall in if he sat with his feet in the water. I could tell he was seriously considering it. Finally I said, "I will give you one dollar if you sit with your feet in the water." He lit up like Christmas morning and said, "I do it! For a dollar." He was nervous but I helped him to the side and he put his feet in! Next I coerced him with $1.50 to let me carry him around in the water and stand on the seat. He agreed! I was on a roll so I then said if we went to the YMCA I would give him a five dollar bill to get in the pool and let me walk around with him in the water. He said, "Five dollars! I do it! I being brave!" Wow. This child is highly motivated by money. We will be making a trip to the Y as soon as possible! Gotta get him in that pool while he is still money hungry.
Here is Christian with his whopping $1.50. Grandma agreed to match it so he made $3.00. What a little scoundrel.

Here is Maizie showering me with birthday kisses. Maizie and Christian love petting Rudy. As you can see he does not mind it either.

I really got some great gifts for my birthday. Maizie bought me a pretty gold mirrored key chain. Joe bought me some new Estee Lauder nail polish that came with the free gift. Yes! I am a makeup addict. What a rush! My Aunt Julie gave me two pairs of cozy pajamas. My Mom and Dad found me a beautiful dragon fly bowl. They also brought me a beautiful chandelier for our living room. One of my mom's clients wanted to give it to me. My mom had been sharing my struggle with endo and my upcoming surgery with her. Apparently her client went through a very similar experience. My mom has been designing their new interior. The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me. There is also one coming for our dining room. It is very beautiful and has an old quality that will look great in our 1800's house. Marie had given me a Target card that was promptly spent. Last night Sean and Carol gave me a gift card for a spa treatment at Spiece. Praise the Lord! I must be loved this year!
My sweet pet Melissa got me these overly large sweats. At first I was like, "Damn! I am not that big!" Then my mom explained that they are for after my surgery when I will look bloated and swollen. Wahoo! So, these are my 'hysterectomy pants'. Awesome! Thank you sweet pet. I do love them!

Joe and dad helped the kids play with the remote control boats on the pond. Maizie and Christian crashed one of the boats across the pond. Dad had to walk all the way around it and crawl through some bushes to get it out. Then they got it stuck again and Joe had to wade out into the water to get it. He was soaked. Therefore his wallet was soaked and Maizie's medications were soaked. They melted into a disgusting pile of goo in the pill box. This required some medication tweaking for her bedtime meds. Hopefully we will not be paying a price for that in the morning. This 'price' could show itself in the form of seizures since the seizure medication was the only one I did not have a sample of for just this sort of situation. Bummer. I think she should be okay. After Joe came in from out of the pond he worried his toes were ruined from all of the mud. I appreciated his concern since I spent forever fixing them all up. At his concern Maizie promptly replied,"My mom only likes my dad if he's not dirty." I about died laughing.

The nasty melted pills are shown above. Daniel is being his typically silly self below. That suction cup smiley toy/pen was sent to Joe from his company. It is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Apparently kids find endless uses for it.

Cutie pie Christian had on the Cisco Networking shirt that Joe had bought Maizie when she was his age. He looked so cute in it.

When I was out with Mindy today Joe made me a beautiful red velvet cake. I requested this cake for my birthday. I love the flavor of it. I wish the photo below did justice to how well it was frosted. I swear I have probably gained five pounds in just the last couple of days. Time to get walking!

Now my birthday is coming to a close after two days of celebrations. Now I am left to make the most of this next year. I can't believe I will be 35 next. Yup...I really do know how to count sometimes.

Yummy Scents and Delicious Truffles wtih Miss Mindy

After a fairly decent nights sleep Mindy picked me up for some shopping, lunch and a special treat for me.

First we went to Von Maur. Bargain shopper Mindy found a beautiful pair of Kenneth Cole earrings for two dollars! Can you believe it? They were like twenty eight bucks originally. I saw a few things I really wanted at Von Maur but nothing on sale that I just had to have. I really want some Philosophy Baby Grace perfume but could not justify the cost right now. Mindy has been wanting Lolita Lempicka for way too long now. She tortured herself by spraying some on and smelling it over and over. I ran out of my Lolita months ago so I sneak some of Joe's. I love the men's Lolita too.After Von Maur we went to Biaggi's where we had spinach salads and sandwiches. The waiter took this picture of us. I will use it even though I have some wicked red eye in it. I am trying to be in more of my photos so I look like I actually exist rather than always being behind my camera. The worst part is the photos never end up how I want them to. Oh, well.

I opened my birthday gift from Mindy at lunch. She gave me a Soy candle that smells incredible. It's scent is Belgian Waffles. I can't wait to light it and feel all cozy. Thank you Mindy!

Ulta was calling our names so we headed over. They had the Elizabeth Arden 'gift' going on so I thought I would get a few pieces of makeup. It seems that all at once my makeup has been running out or just got too old.

Outside was miserably hot. We managed to survive the walk over to De Brands. Mindy wanted to treat me to a couple of truffles. I have never had a truffle before. They were so yummy! I really liked them. I was tempted to get Maizie some of their home made marshmallows but resisted.

I had a caramel and milk chocolate truffle. Mindy tried a Key Lime and Espresso truffle. All of them were delicious.

Alexandra! Happy Birthday Christian!

We were so happy to visit with my sister Melissa and her baby Alexandra. Baby Alex is signing and saying lots of animal sounds. Her favorite is barking like her dog Cooper. Too cute!
Happy Fourth Birthday Christian! Christian loved his Curious George birthday cake. Christian loved the stuffed puppy his mom Marie gave him. Christian named him Four.