Holiday Vacation Fun

I have been offline for a couple weeks traveling and visiting family. Decorating our tree was fun. Every picture I took was a blur of activity. The girls enjoyed seeing our Christmas decorations and Chris had some very pretty ones as well. Joining two families is an interesting experience. We have similar traditions which has made everything nice. At the same time it is fun to create new traditions.It was always my Dad's job to put the star on top of the tree. The star Chris has can be plugged in but the cord would not cooperate. Finally, we just hid the cord in the tree. Our star will not be lighting up this year. It looks beautiful unlit too. Chris, Maizie and me took off for Indiana over Thanksgiving break. We had the best, most relaxing vacation. Maizie went to be with her Dad for most of the time. Hanging out with family without the added stress of children running around wanting our attention was awesome. I will add however that Alex, Christian and baby Sam all enjoyed our attention. Every time I turned around Chris or someone was picking up Sam. He is pretty darn cute. Very hard to resist holding a sweet, sleepy baby. Chris, Tim and Daniel played some X Box. We had debated bringing our favorite games but decided not to. Focusing on time with family was a better idea. Alex and Christian missed Maizie but had a lot of fun playing together. Alex was pretty much attached to my hip the entire time. Alex is into singing Disney princess songs. Her voice is adorable. Seeing Christian was the best. He is such a cutie. I was concerned he would give me the cold shoulder since we don't see one another as much but he warmed up to me immediately.
Alex turns four early December so we celebrated her birthday. She loved the sweater I made for her favorite Build A Bear. Her green build a bear is actually one that Maizie made and handed down to Alex. It is a bear that meows. Yup, leave it to Maizie to make a bear that meows. I finished a bear sweater for Maizie last night and now I am starting Emma's. I let Alex play with Maizie's DS. She figured it out immediately and within seconds no one could get her attention. Melissa was less than pleased but I bet Alex will be asking for a DS soon.For Christmas we gave Christian and Alex snugglies. Alex is running around above with her snugglie. The snugglies were a hit. Very soft and cozy.Melissa took pictures for me while I held Sam. I don't know what Melissa was doing but they are all "artistically blurred". Every single photo she took. At first I thought I had lost my sense of sight but then I remembered Melissa was taking pictures. Too funny. I love them just the same.Rudy liked Christian's snugglie too.

Halloween Changes

Halloween has always been Maizie's favorite holiday. Every year Maizie would Trick or Treat with her cousin Daniel and Christian. This will be the first year Maizie and Christian will be apart on Halloween.

I called Christian today, he has yet to talk to me or Maizie on the phone since we moved to Iowa. He refuses because he misses us too much. Christian came here for a week and we had so much fun. I often wish he was home schooled along with Maizie so I could bring him here during the school year too. I miss him terribly. I miss Daniel too but Daniel is a moody teenager and not so easy to please. Daniel, if you read this you know what I mean and you know that I love you dearly.Daniel as a Mr. Potato Head and Maizie the Clown.Daniel the Wizard and Maizie the Lil'Witch. This picture is great because Daniel is looking at the owl he is holding and making it fly. I love the look they both have on their faces. They were both at that age where they believed in magic and it was endearing.This is my favorite costume Maizie has had so far and I love love love this picture.Christian as Spider Man with a bucket on his head and Maizie as a Midnight Fairy. Christian as Ben 10 and Maizie as some other kind of fairy. Guess what Maizie is going to be this year? A Bat Fairy. Another black costume with wings. I notice a pattern here.
Christian with that happy grin that makes me just want to eat him up. Below is Maizie. I remember taking this photo. Maizie was so proud because she had won an award at school that day. She wore it proudly on her sweater. I think the award was for being a line leader but I'm not sure. Maizie was obsessed with being the line leader.

This Halloween is sure to be special with Chris's girls. I will be thinking though of my little guy Christian and I know he will be thinking of me and Maizie.

Maybe....just maybe one of these days Christian will be willing to talk to me on the phone. My divorce and the move has been hard on more than just me and Maizie. Christian and Daniel lost an uncle that they had once looked up to. Christian's best little friend and aunt moved hours away. Adults are often forced to make tough decisions and it is difficult to watch the consequences our little ones face because of our choices. And yet, that is life.

This year Christian is going to be Darth Vader which I think is totally cool. Oh, and this year I'm going to try real hard not to cut myself carving the pumpkins.

Let Them Eat Cake!

We celebrated Maizie's birthday with family this week. Maizie's birthday is very close to Christmas. It helps to have the big event celebrated early when things are a tad calmer.

This time of year is one of Maizie's most challenging. We keep the month of December and our Christmas celebration very low key. Even though we go out of our way to reduce stress during this time I am convinced there is something in the air that gets everyone, including Maizie overly excited. Maizie senses this and her ability to cope with life seems to decrease almost overnight.

The biggest stress and chaos inducing factor when we celebrate holidays is food. Maizie loves cake, cookies and all sweets. I made a cute vanilla cake for her birthday gathering. Maizie and Christian loved it. I have managed to resist its sweet charms. Maizie can't stop thinking about it. She wants to eat cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I refused Maizie's "deal" of eating five bites of pancakes followed by a piece of cake for breakfast. Before I knew it Maizie was screaming at me that I am the worst mom in the whole world. She said she would never write me any love notes ever again. (A frequent threat when she is told, "no".) Maizie continued yelling at me.....loudly. My ears are still ringing. She said, "I am going to go upstairs and slam my door!" The slamming of the door does not bother me at all. I am thrilled when Maizie is willing to retreat to her room to calm down. Upon doing so she always slams the door at least three or four times in a row. For dramatic purposes, of course.

This morning though there seemed to be no relief in sight. Maizie wanted a piece of that yummy cake and she was trying everything until I agreed. I let Darwin out and when I came back inside the house was too quiet. I looked where the cake had been and it was gone. Not good.

I found Maizie hiding behind her favorite chair with her arms wrapped tightly around the cake Tupperware. The cake was nice and secure inside. Whew. Granted, all I felt like doing was grabbing the cake and disposing of it in the trash, in a very dramatic fashion!

It seemed to me like I was negotiating a hostage deal to save the birthday cake. Except I would gladly destroy the birthday cake to avoid this situation from happening again.

I pictured myself forcing the cake out of Maizie's arms and rushing it to the trash can, scraping it into the trash triumphantly. Fortunately, I contained my frustration realizing that reacting in that way would no doubt traumatize Maizie for years, ruining one of her favorite things...cake. Argh.Finally, Maizie released the cake and I put it on top of the cupboards in the kitchen. I repeated that she could enjoy a piece of cake with her lunch. Crocodile tears fell and then she requested a soda. I swear, I just woke up a bit ago and I was about to be sent over the edge. I wanted to scream. I think I may have made a sound that resembled a bear growling. Lovely.

It felt like deja vu as Maizie began yelling at me all over again wanting a soda. I thought things were going to get even worse when she stormed into the kitchen insisting she was going to get a soda. I stood there wanting so badly to just go back to bed. I thought about waking Joe up and making him take over but knew Maizie would follow me to my bedroom and yell at me there.

To my surprise Maizie chose a juice box and stomped back into the living room saying, "Mom! I really don't like you right now! You better not get rid of that cake! I want a piece at lunch time." She then cuddled up with a blanket on her chair and has been quiet ever since.

I sighed real big, proud of Maizie and proud of myself for not totally freaking out. It is only nine and we have the rest of the day to navigate through. Maizie looks exhausted so I am praying she takes a morning nap. I know I will be waking up Joe in a bit so I can take a mid morning nap.

Do you all have challenges around food and the holidays this time of year? I know we do. Soon Joe will be making delicious frosted cookies and snicker doodles. They are not something I am allowed to eat anymore. I am sure Maizie will have similar morning cravings for those cookies. And yet, we still make them together. They are a family tradition.

Hand Art & Other Fun Stuff

This weekend Christian came over. I took him with me to pick Maizie up at school on Friday. He was very curious to see Maizie's school and was a bit taken a back when he realized how "un school like" it was. When we arrived Maizie was playing Battleship with a friend. I was excited to see that because I loved that game as a kid. Marie and I would play it all the time. Maizie showed Christian her decorated desk (cubicle). Christian nodded letting us know he approved.

Christian asked if he could see the school's Wii by smiling and growling all silly like,"I wanna see the Wii!" He did not believe me when I told him Maizie's school had a Wii and that the kids played it often. Maizie showed him the Wii and Christian began jumping around the room all giddy. I guess he is easily impressed. Maizie would love to have a Wii but I am happy to let that be something she can look forward to at school. Back at home Maizie and Christian were into the Play-doh. They were busy making "breakfast" for a few hours. I was thrilled since this was a quiet activity.The rest of the weekend Maizie became obsessed with making hand drawings. I purchased her the book Hand Art by KLUTZ a few years ago. She has loved that book ever since. For Maizie the fine motor and planning skills involved in placing her hand in the correct position and tracing it have been a challenge. I am happy to say that she is getting very good at it. I love this book!Last week I was on an organizing/cleaning spree. I accomplished a whole lot. Wahoo! The weather was gorgeous and I felt motivated so I just went with it.

Christian does not like the candy...I am drooling and the pumpkin that made me bleed.

Happy Halloween! Maizie had a great day at school. When I dropped her off they were all out in costumes playing with silly string. Maizie did not look pleased. Once I picked her up though she said, "Will you please...please...please...buy me some of that silly string." I was shocked. For Maizie to be willing to go near the stuff and then request it...wow!

One of Maizie's classmates was too cute wearing an elephant costume. I said, "Oh! You look so cute! You are an elephant." He replied, "No! I am not an elephant. I am Max in an elephant costume!" He made me repeat this information to be sure I had it correct. Yes. He proved me wrong indeed.After school we took off to Marie's house for dinner and trick or treating. At one point my thirteen year old nephew Daniel hid behind a house and jumped out and scared Christian. Daniel was not in a costume but his loud scream scared Christian. Joe and I were hoping to get through the night without a tear fest from Christian. No luck. Christian was at first stunned silent. Joe and I stared..waiting. Suddenly the cry came...no...more like a loud wail followed by crocodile tears and lots of shrieks. Not good.

Maizie being more patient than us at that moment went to Christian and asked, "Mom. Do you have a tissue." I did not. She leaned down and gently wiped Christian's tears away with her hand. Too sweet. This seemed to have an almost instant calming response from Christian.Back at the house Christian dumped out his bucket o' treats. Yes, he was very happy. Amazingly enough Christian will refuse the majority of his candy. He says, "My mom can eat it. I don't like this candy!" Must be nice. I was drooling at the site of the Hershey bars. Talk about tempting!Once back home we lit our pumpkins. Maizie's is on the top and the one that tried to butcher me is on the bottom. Yeah, it looks so satisfied after making me bleed. There was supposed to be a nose but we gave up after my tragic injury.;)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Pumpkin Carving brings about Stitches...are stitches contagious?

Over the weekend we went to my sister Marie's house for our yearly pumpkin carving extravaganza. Christian took a great deal of time to draw out his pumpkin's face. He turned the pumpkin to me and said something like, "Cut it just like this!" Hmmmm.....I promised I would do my best interpretation of his design. Christian and Maizie both refused to clean out the pumpkins. No surprise there. Neither like messes and Maizie has always disliked touching squishy stuff. They retreated to Christian's room to play with their stuffed animals.

After a few minutes I excitedly called Christian in to see his finished pumpkin. Christian said,"That's my pumpkin!" I must have done well. Joe was working on Maizie's design while I moved on to my awesome bumpy pumpkin. It will be the last time I buy a lumpy pumpkin for carving. It was so hard to cut that even Joe gave up on it. Me, being my typical stubborn self insisted that my pumpkin had to be carved. If Joe would not do it for me I would do it myself. I put all my energy into it.I took a quick break to take a picture of Maizie with her pumpkin. I love it. The kids took off to play again and I went back to carving the stone pumpkin. Joe stood in the kitchen watching me warily.

I went to work on the eye of the pumpkin and it was as if I was watching my hand move in slow motion. The knife slid right into the side of my thumb, cutting towards my nail about an inch in length. Joe shook his head as if he saw it coming all along. Argh.

Joe described the incident like this, "The blood came out like a scene from Kill Bill." Ha! I must say it was quite the mess. My Aunt Julie is a nurse and had me hold ice and a towel tightly against it to stop the bleeding. The cut throbbed a little, the bleeding would not slow.

We had plans to bring Christian home with us for the night. Instead we left Maizie with Marie's and I headed off to the hospital with Joe for stitches. Instead of thinking about my thumb I was obsessing over how my evening plan was not going to work out. Yes, I am a tad obsessive.

They gave me a tetanus shot since it had been many years since my last one. That was easy. I will say though that my arm has been throbbing and aching ever since. I am ready for that to stop.

I figured getting two stitches would be a walk in the park. I miscalculated just a tad. The injection to numb the area hurt! It was like my thumb was on fire. Luckily, it did not last long. I was stitched up and on my way in no time at all.

Maizie has had a harder time adjusting to my two stitches. She is convinced that if I touch her with my left hand I will "give her stitches". Last night I tucked her in bed hugged her. My left hand touched the back of her head. When I turned to leave I saw her shaking her hands through her hair and lightly touching her scalp all over. I said, "What on earth are you doing?"

In her most serious voice she sighed and said, "I am making sure you did not give me stitches!"

Every couple of hours she asks how long my stitches will be there. I tell her the number of days left. Maizie then asks, "How long is that?" I explain the days of the week and how many days are left and then she asks,"What day is next? When is next week? Do you get your stitches out today? Is now Halloween?"

Sigh.

A Day in the Life of a Disabled Mom...my sister's new blog!

My older sister Marie has begun a blog she titled A Day in the Life of a Disabled Mom. Marie and I were hanging out last night while the kids played and I asked if I could interview her for my blog.(My sister Melissa is on the left and Marie is on the right.)I wanted to know what it was like growing up with two siblings who did not have the same challenges.

I asked Marie if I could interview her about what it is like to have two kids, get a degree and meet many other goals when the doctors told your parents that you should be institutionalized when you were a child. (This is Marie on the left and Melissa is the toddler.)

Marie looked at me and said, "Why don't I just start my own blog?"

I was thrilled! Please stop over to Marie's blog and welcome her to the blogosphere. Leave a comment so she can meet my blogger friends!

Marie is an incredible mom. I know she has a lot of wisdom and encouragement to share.(Marie is on the left and I am the latch key kid on the right. We are both sporting our Catholic school girl uniforms.)

My Foundation Breaks and Other Stuff

Since my last post my foundation had been shook. You know the feeling? You are going along all happy like and then....boom...something happens and you "wake up". Tears flow constantly and you start to think you are going to crack. The entire time realizing that you are blessed while others are suffering. Suffering through what has been a passing worry for me... a fear that I have pushed down repeatedly and buried far away from my conscious self.

You feel like someone has kicked you in the gut. Everything looks different and more intense. I breathe and do the only thing that feels right. I focus on those I love. Or at least that was my intention. Instead I was cranky and tired from crying and lack of sleep. I took most of it out on Joe and Maizie. In other words I was a mess and behaved like a real bitch to the two people I love the most.

I send prayers for those who have moved on from this earth and that those who love them will be comforted and able to awake in the morning and function a little better with each day. Friday I went over to my mom's to babysit my niece Alex. Before I knew it Maizie was begging to have little three year old Alex spend the night at our house. This would be the first time Alex stayed with us. I was optimistic. We took her out to dinner for pizza and she was all wound up. As always she insisted in sitting next to Uncle Joe. Maizie was easily annoyed by Alex and when Alex left Maizie said, "I am done with that crazy cousin nonsense. I am sorry I made her stay Mom." Hmmm....I am sure Maizie did not mean it like that. Adding an ornery three year old to our quiet abode was a challenge for Maizie and me.Alex cried a bit when she was trying to fall asleep, "I miss my mama. I miss my daddy." Even Aunt Marla can't compare to the comfort of her own parents.

Alex instructed me to pat her back in just the right way. After about two hours she finally fell asleep...next to me...in my bed. Sigh. Joe was forced to sleep on the couch.

Let me just say it has been a long time since I have had to share a bed with a toddler. Alex flopped around like a fart in a frying pan. I was kicked, poked, reminded to pat her back throughout the night and she always had to be holding my hand and a few times my hair. It was sweet and miserable at the same time.

At about two in the morning I heard a loud thunk. Alex had fallen off the bed. Whatever adrenaline was left in my adrenals was used up right then. I leaped off the bed and picked her up with superhuman strength and began patting her back before she realized what happened. Whew. She fell back to sleep and when morning came I woke up exhausted.Alex woke up ready to greet the day! "I'm weady to ged up Mara!" Oh....crap. So soon? Are you kidding me? You want to do what? Hold the guinea pigs now?

Saturday we did nothing. I went to bed early because I looked like crap, my eyes were a swollen mess. The clown look is not good for me at all.

Sunday Ryan and Alison were visiting from Jersey. Ryan was born and raised, like me...in Iowa. Then, like me...he moved to Indiana. He worked for my Dad's company for a while with Joe. I think Joe moved to his current company first, followed by Ryan? I get it confused. Both Ryan and Joe are self taught in network/telecommunications engineering. They are gifted and neither have college degrees. They don't need one. In that field you either have the ability to learn it quickly or you don't.

When we lived in Jersey Ryan practically lived at our house. Making friends in Jersey is not easy so all of us country hicks stuck together. Ryan has toughed it out in Jersey. He tries to convince Alison who was born and raised there to move to the Midwest. Alison sighs and makes a look like she rather be anywhere but in this tiny town. Ryan and Joe are in a field where living in the Midwest is nearly impossible. We are lucky to be living here. Traveling sucks and Joe spends a great deal of his time in Jersey still. Tonight I never heard from him so I am assuming he is enjoying a meal at Good Fellas. Again.

Hopefully Alison and Ryan can come up with a unique compromise that works for both of their careers. Maybe a wonderful cabin like home in the country areas of Jersey. There are some gorgeous areas there. Unfortunately, like we have found out...in the country you can't get good, fast, reliable Ethernet. Argh. Maizie took this picture. Ryan was playing with his iPhone constantly. Maizie was playing with mine. Ryan shared a YouTube video of a girl exercising on the Wii Fit Board. Yup, not quite as "nice" as the guinea pig videos Maizie was showing off. Alison is a very patient woman.

Sunday night we went to my sister Marie's house for pizza and DQ ice cream cake. Yes! We were celebrating Daniel's 14th birthday. I tried to get a picture of Daniel but he refused to smile for any of them. He had a nice birthday. Christian asked me to take a picture of his dirty feet again. Too funny.

A few of you have asked how Daniel is doing. He is doing well. Daniel brought his grades back up and is thinking positively for the new school year. His computer is back and it continues to be somewhat of an issue. Whenever I have been over though he has friends over and they are on the move. That is progress.
Today Maizie and I went to Chloe's house for play and out for dinner. They had fun dressing up their stuffed animals and entertaining us with their dance moves.At dinner they both brought their DS's and "compunicated" before dinner arrived. There was lots of giggling and intense concentration. Ah, the joys of modern technology. Susie and I talked and talked and they were quietly typing away. It was nice, very nice.

Happy Birthday Christian!

Last night we went to my mom and dad's house to celebrate my nephew Christian's fifth birthday. Maizie had two big seizures that day. We were very lucky to have even left the house last night. I was so worried we were going to need to cancel.

It seems the only time we can really get out is in the evenings. It is like we are vampires. Too weird.

Christian was so excited to be turning five. He says he is sure he will be able to ride his bike faster now that he is the big ol' five! I am sure he is right. This was the first time Maizie and Christian had seen one another for weeks. They are so close that when they are apart they really miss one another. We will have to start visiting in the evenings until we can get Maizie feeling better.