My Foundation Breaks and Other Stuff

Since my last post my foundation had been shook. You know the feeling? You are going along all happy like and then....boom...something happens and you "wake up". Tears flow constantly and you start to think you are going to crack. The entire time realizing that you are blessed while others are suffering. Suffering through what has been a passing worry for me... a fear that I have pushed down repeatedly and buried far away from my conscious self.

You feel like someone has kicked you in the gut. Everything looks different and more intense. I breathe and do the only thing that feels right. I focus on those I love. Or at least that was my intention. Instead I was cranky and tired from crying and lack of sleep. I took most of it out on Joe and Maizie. In other words I was a mess and behaved like a real bitch to the two people I love the most.

I send prayers for those who have moved on from this earth and that those who love them will be comforted and able to awake in the morning and function a little better with each day. Friday I went over to my mom's to babysit my niece Alex. Before I knew it Maizie was begging to have little three year old Alex spend the night at our house. This would be the first time Alex stayed with us. I was optimistic. We took her out to dinner for pizza and she was all wound up. As always she insisted in sitting next to Uncle Joe. Maizie was easily annoyed by Alex and when Alex left Maizie said, "I am done with that crazy cousin nonsense. I am sorry I made her stay Mom." Hmmm....I am sure Maizie did not mean it like that. Adding an ornery three year old to our quiet abode was a challenge for Maizie and me.Alex cried a bit when she was trying to fall asleep, "I miss my mama. I miss my daddy." Even Aunt Marla can't compare to the comfort of her own parents.

Alex instructed me to pat her back in just the right way. After about two hours she finally fell asleep...next to me...in my bed. Sigh. Joe was forced to sleep on the couch.

Let me just say it has been a long time since I have had to share a bed with a toddler. Alex flopped around like a fart in a frying pan. I was kicked, poked, reminded to pat her back throughout the night and she always had to be holding my hand and a few times my hair. It was sweet and miserable at the same time.

At about two in the morning I heard a loud thunk. Alex had fallen off the bed. Whatever adrenaline was left in my adrenals was used up right then. I leaped off the bed and picked her up with superhuman strength and began patting her back before she realized what happened. Whew. She fell back to sleep and when morning came I woke up exhausted.Alex woke up ready to greet the day! "I'm weady to ged up Mara!" Oh....crap. So soon? Are you kidding me? You want to do what? Hold the guinea pigs now?

Saturday we did nothing. I went to bed early because I looked like crap, my eyes were a swollen mess. The clown look is not good for me at all.

Sunday Ryan and Alison were visiting from Jersey. Ryan was born and raised, like me...in Iowa. Then, like me...he moved to Indiana. He worked for my Dad's company for a while with Joe. I think Joe moved to his current company first, followed by Ryan? I get it confused. Both Ryan and Joe are self taught in network/telecommunications engineering. They are gifted and neither have college degrees. They don't need one. In that field you either have the ability to learn it quickly or you don't.

When we lived in Jersey Ryan practically lived at our house. Making friends in Jersey is not easy so all of us country hicks stuck together. Ryan has toughed it out in Jersey. He tries to convince Alison who was born and raised there to move to the Midwest. Alison sighs and makes a look like she rather be anywhere but in this tiny town. Ryan and Joe are in a field where living in the Midwest is nearly impossible. We are lucky to be living here. Traveling sucks and Joe spends a great deal of his time in Jersey still. Tonight I never heard from him so I am assuming he is enjoying a meal at Good Fellas. Again.

Hopefully Alison and Ryan can come up with a unique compromise that works for both of their careers. Maybe a wonderful cabin like home in the country areas of Jersey. There are some gorgeous areas there. Unfortunately, like we have found out...in the country you can't get good, fast, reliable Ethernet. Argh. Maizie took this picture. Ryan was playing with his iPhone constantly. Maizie was playing with mine. Ryan shared a YouTube video of a girl exercising on the Wii Fit Board. Yup, not quite as "nice" as the guinea pig videos Maizie was showing off. Alison is a very patient woman.

Sunday night we went to my sister Marie's house for pizza and DQ ice cream cake. Yes! We were celebrating Daniel's 14th birthday. I tried to get a picture of Daniel but he refused to smile for any of them. He had a nice birthday. Christian asked me to take a picture of his dirty feet again. Too funny.

A few of you have asked how Daniel is doing. He is doing well. Daniel brought his grades back up and is thinking positively for the new school year. His computer is back and it continues to be somewhat of an issue. Whenever I have been over though he has friends over and they are on the move. That is progress.
Today Maizie and I went to Chloe's house for play and out for dinner. They had fun dressing up their stuffed animals and entertaining us with their dance moves.At dinner they both brought their DS's and "compunicated" before dinner arrived. There was lots of giggling and intense concentration. Ah, the joys of modern technology. Susie and I talked and talked and they were quietly typing away. It was nice, very nice.

Coughing, Waiting for testing....sigh

This weekend was filled with me coughing, blowing my nose, sleeping and getting up to cough some more followed by more nose blowing. It sucked. The joys of a sinus infection turned into the nasty summer cold. Argh!

Oh, but I am totally addicted to Maizie's Nintendo DS. It seemed to be the only thing my brain could handle doing while I was awake.

By Sunday Maizie was starting to cough and sneeze. Therefore any testing that we may have been able to get done this week will have to be put off for another two weeks due to scheduling conflicts. Sigh. I am just so anxious to get things moving with the autism center. I guess we have waited this long...we can wait another two weeks.

There are a few things I have to get together to finish Maizie's application. Her last psychological report which is super old. Maybe we should have a new one done? Also, a video of her doing some homeschooling work. They would have asked for a current IEP but since we homeschool I don't have one. Can you hear my brain working overtime on this? Now that we have found a positive possibility I am quite excited about it.

At least today I am feeling better to visualize myself completing the above tasks and the many more I have let slide in the last week. Ugh. Thankfully Joe has kept up the laundry and keeps me and Maizie well cared for while we are snoozing all day. I know...it is really rough.

Tonight we took the dogs for a long awaited trip to the dog park. Check out the pictures at Dog Park Days over the next few days.

Giant Burrito, A Movie and La De Da

This is what Darwin looked like watching me sleep almost constantly through this sinus infection (paint inhalation poisoning). Darwin thinks he is being all sneaky like sitting with his bum hanging off the ottoman. Dogs are not allowed on the furniture. At least that is the rule. Unless I am too lazy or sick to enforce it. Maizie kept me entertained reading Ranger Rick and watching the first season of Jeff Corwin's Adventures. I still feel quite nasty but I am almost full of energy again. As you can all see from my last meme. Sometimes I get obsessed. I know. I know.
Tonight our good friend Jason came over. Maizie talked us into playing a game of Whoonu before we left for dinner. I have to point out here that I won...again. I swear Maizie loves watching grown ups pick out there most favorite things. This game never ceases to fascinate her. In the picture below she is giving me her look that says, "Argh! Do you ever stop taking pictures mom?!"
At Moe's Jason ordered a meal called, 'The Home Wrecker'. I can only imagine why it was branded with such a name. Jason ate the biggest burrito I have ever seen.
Maizie and I watched in awe as he devoured every last bite. My belly hurts just thinking about it. Jason described the burrito as, 'bodacious, delectable and scrumptious'. Yum.

Strangely enough Maizie dug through my purse and found the Saf-T-Pop mentioned in my last blog post. She opened it. Licked it a few times and then never touched it again. At least it is out of my purse.
This is the circle at our Target store that Maizie insists on standing in every time we go there. Recently she was able to touch the top. I thought that deserved a picture. Luckily, she did too. As you can tell Maizie is still on the up and up. Our mornings are still very slow and she often requires a mid morning nap but no vomiting and no headaches. I am praying it lasts.

After dinner we went to see a dollar movie. Maizie chose Penelope. My main interest in this movie was the decor in Penelope's bedroom. I wish it was mine. I loved it. Did I love the movie as much as Nim's Island?
Not so much. It did have a certain charm and whimsy to it that I appreciated. The "Disney like" plot was a little annoying. Trying to explain what a double mirror is to Maizie was harder than I would have thought. Maizie was able to get the gist of the plot but some of it was too fast for her. She has read enough fairy tales to see where it was going. A curse was placed on the baby and she was given a pig nose. Everyone believed the love of a man would break the curse. Once Penelope learned to love herself despite her looks the curse was lifted. A decent message with no major cursing or freaky stuff. Maizie's review was, "I liked that movie. Can I put together a puzzle with Jason when I get home?" Typical kid...always moving on to the next exciting event.

Works in Progress

Baby Archer was in a great mood Sunday for our little photo shoot. My lil' God child is just the cutest bug. It has been a while since I have taken a photo series of a baby. Archer was a tad ornery when it came to smiling on cue. I guess that's a baby for ya.
Maizie relaxed and cuddled with the greyhounds during the shoot. Once we were finished we all went out for lunch.

Most of the weekend Joe worked on the house. Here is what we wanted to get done on top of our normal daily chores.

*Build shelves in the bathroom. (Joe did an excellent job...done!)
*Paint the bathroom. (still at it)
*Clean the guinea pig cage.....again. (done!)
*Clean the fish tank...the cat fish is missing or being consumed by the snails? (still thinking about doing it)
*Portrait session for Baby Archer. (done...well, I still have the tweaking work left but the session is done)

Back in the day we could have painted this bathroom in less than a day. Everything seems to take forever now. I really wanted to finish painting the bathroom tonight before Maizie gets back tomorrow from a sleepover. She can't be here while we paint. I don't want her smelling the fumes. Will I finish it in time? I doubt it. Not for lack of trying though.

Sunday night we took Maizie to see Nim's Island. It was fantastic. Maizie loved the movie and so did we. When Maizie heard Nim say she was home schooled she looked at me with the biggest surprised eyes. By the end of the movie she was requesting a pet lizard and wondering why we can't live on an island. Too cute.

Weekend Warm Weather Bloggy Break

The weather is beautiful and right now Maizie is feeling pretty well. I will be taking a weekend bloggy break from posting and reading blogs. I will be back to catch up on Monday.

After a trip to the dog park Maizie and I are going outside to hunt for bugs. Check out Dog Park Days for pictures from our recent run at the dog park. I hope you all have a healthy and happy weekend.

Lunch with Baby Archer

Today Carol picked us up for lunch. My car had to go back to the shop again. It is the transmission. Thank you Club166 for the car advice.

Getting Maizie ready for lunch was a challenge. She is excited and then at the last minute she panics. Today was the first day I was able to talk her out of the anxiety. Her main concerns are the lights, noise and food. The lights and noise are out of my control. Her Topomax has been increased as of last night and I think it is helping. We are seeing a reduction in spells. So far we are not seeing any behavioral problems due to the medication.

Carol is adjusting well to being a mommy. Archer is such a cutie. After lunch they came over and Maizie was able to hold Archer for a while. We are both in love with Archer's little baby feet. They are so cute. Darwin, our dog is a baby licker. He loves to clean babies. Luckily Carol has two Greyhounds and knows how to work with doggies who like to kiss babies.

I love the picture above. Maizie looks like she is having a fascinating conversation with Archer. After Maizie was done holding Archer she went downstairs to tell Joe the baby was here. She said something like this, "Daddy! You better get up here to see baby Archer or you won't earn any stickers!" Carol and I cracked up when we heard that. Joe came upstairs shortly thereafter. I did not know Maizie had Joe on a sticker reward program. Too funny. Carol is now thinking about starting a sticker program for her husband Sean.

Support...La De Da Day

I am so thankful for the ongoing support I receive from my readers. I do appreciate every comment, idea and prayer. I am making a big effort to take more time for myself.

Helping my sister is good but I do understand it is an ongoing process of setting boundaries. My nephew is letting us all know he is not happy with the changes we have instituted. I am sure many of you with teenagers know the grumpy stares and "nothing in life is fun" attitude that kids his age exude so well. Tomorrow my nephew and I work the nursery together at church. Needless to say, it should be an interesting hour with him. I hope he at least smiles for all the rug rats we will be caring for.;)

Maizie is still struggling. In the Life of a Child mentioned in a comment the importance of searching for triggers. We refuse to give up and are continually trying to see a reason to this pattern. Maizie is doing well on her Tyramine Free diet. We have also been gradually trying a few Gluten free products. Luckily she has a variety of fruits and vegetables that she loves. Even more lucky is the fact that most of them are not on her diet list. She has never liked bananas or raisins...I never thought I would be pleased she dislikes certain healthy foods.

The neurologist is having us wait until Monday to see her again. I was less than thrilled. I am sure she is wanting to try this medication as long as possible since there are not many maintenance medications for her to try. Patience Marla! Argh!

What have I been doing to take care of myself. First of all I am trying to have more social interactions! I realized I have been going days without talking to anyone but Joe and Maizie. Not very healthy. I went out to a new coffee house on Thursday with Cindy and Janeen. Very nice chatty time. Today I met Mindy for lunch and we talked and talked. I have not seen her for what seemed like weeks. We had a lot to catch up on. I miss her girls so much though. I really need to come up with a way to hang out with her and the kids sometime. After lunch I went to The Learning Garden to pick up some Explode the Code workbooks. Maizie goes through these workbooks like water. They are perfect for her because they involve quite a bit of visualization. She began with these books when she was five with her tutor. Even repeating the simpler ones is good practice for her.

I had a nice time catching up with Angie of Gathering Up the Pebbles at the store. Angie's store sells used homeschooling books, workbooks, movies and almost anything you can think of that comes in handy for homeschooling. Most of our books are Lindamood Bell but there are a lot of her products that work well for Maizie.

From there I checked out my local Catholic Book store. I have a collection of religious icons and wanted to see if they had anything new. Nope. Nada. Bummer. I am pretty sure I bought everything cool that they had. I guess I will have to resort to saving my money for some of the higher cost icons online.

Once home Tim and Susie dropped Maizie's friend Chloe off for dinner and a fun evening of play. This was the best part of my day. Maizie was so happy to have a friend over. Since it was night time she felt great and had plenty of energy to play with Chloe.

I appreciated every moment of seeing Maizie and Chloe playing and giggling. We all played the game of Whoonu. Quite the hit with Maizie and Chloe lately. Even our grown up friends enjoy it. You choose two things that you think are the "chosen person's favorite things". The person you are guessing about then places the favorite things in order from least favorite to most favorite. It teaches basic counting skills, thinking about your own interests and the interests of others, provides lots of opportunity for laughs, reading skills and vocabulary building. Thanks so much to Susie who turned me on to this game. Both Chloe and my nephew Christian are just learning to read and they love it. Despite the large box the game would be easy to play almost anywhere.

Now, Joe and I are going to watch The Darjeeling Limited. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I pray for all my blogger friends but I am especially praying for little Rhett. Please pray or send positive energy his way. Goodnight.

Blah! Blah! Blah! Whine! Whine! Whine!

Today I had the joy of popping close to 100 balloons in Maizie's room. She had worked hard on her balloon store. She wrote something on almost every balloon. I wish I could have taken a picture of all the words but the balloons kept spinning around from all of the static. I was sweating like crazy trying to get the arranged. Joe really wanted a picture of them. These two shots are for you Joe!
Instead of Spring Cleaning we usually do after the holidays cleaning and organizing. Nothing makes me feel like I need to get rid of stuff like getting a bunch of new stuff. Especially when we live in this very tiny abode.

I want to write more. I want to read every ones blogs today. However, I am totally exhausted. My back is killing me. Earlier today I cleaned up my sister's house, put away her kids' gifts and then took her to Target. I was happy to help out but Target was the crowd scene from Ben-Hur. The news crew was there taping people shopping. Lovely. At one point I saw them taping right where we were walking so we took off down an aisle. After about an hour of Target my face looked like the little blue balloon face Maizie drew in the picture above.

Hopefully I will sleep well tonight. I have been having the night sweats from hell. Boy, don't I sound like a cry baby! I will just end this post right now rather than go on and on whining.

Frog. Routine Change. Maizie Loves the iPhone.

This morning started out with my nephew Christian waking me up saying, "Mawa! Watz the passwurd? Watz the passwurd? Mawa!!!!" Ugh. Joe and I gave him a Webkinz frog that he is totally in love with. He came up with the most original and cute name for it. He named it, 'Frog'. At least it will be easy to remember. After getting him signed in and playing Webkinz Maizie made her way to the bathroom all happy and seemingly well.

A few minutes later I go in and find her sitting on the toilet sweating and saying, "Don't get near me! Don't touch me!"I hand her the garbage can and she throws up. Gradually her eyes begin to close and I manage to get her to the couch where she promptly falls asleep. Christian continues talking to Maizie despite her being sound asleep. He is used to her seizures and yet I think he rather think she is just resting and still listening to him than worry that she is not feeling well.

She had been feeling so well. It seemed like days since her last seizure.

For most of the morning she slept while Christian asked me a million questions about Webkinz World. He is working hard to decorate his lilly pad home and was trying to earn enough webkinz money for a tub. All in one morning. I don't think so! It took Maizie days to earn her tub.

We ended up having to cancel tutoring so Maizie could have a more quiet day at home. I was so sad about this since she had finished all of her homework and we worked our buts off getting it done. Luckily, she will be able to make up her session tomorrow.

Mindy came over for a while so Maralyn and Maizie could play. That made the day a bit better for us both. We were able to watch a couple episodes of our show which was a nice break.

This afternoon I was upstairs cleaning up stuff. When I came down Maizie was sitting all cozy with my iPhone. She had this very huge grin on her face. She had managed to look through all the photos on it, scan the phone numbers and watched five you tube videos. I was dumbfounded! Luckily, the videos she found were all dog ones. I think she did a search for dog videos! I am just amazed at how easy the iPhone is to use. Using my cell phone has been one thing Maizie has always struggled with. Now, with the iPhone she will probably become an expert. Now, if I can just get her to be more willing to talk to people on the phone.

Tonight I went to get my hair cut and jumped in the shower once home. Not thinking it was right at bedtime Maizie came into the bathroom yelling, "Whose gonna put me to bed?! Whose gonna put me to bed? I am cold! I have to go to bed! Whose gonna put me to bed?!!!"
Joe had stepped outside with the dogs for just a minute sending her into a 'routine change' melt down. Luckily, once Joe came back inside she allowed him to tuck her in bed. Normally this is a mommy only routine. I am typically not in the shower when it is her bedtime. The hairdresser took longer than normal and such is life. These "changes" in routine are at least easier to manage than they once were. Maizie fell asleep almost instantly. It is amazing how tired her seizures make her.


While I was sitting under the dryer at the hair place I saw an article in a magazine about Heather Kuzmich. She is one of the models on America's Top Model. She has Aspergers syndrome and is from Indiana. It was a brief article pointing out the stereotypical Aspergers traits. I came right home and put the show in to record. I might just make it in time for the finale. Possibly she has been voted out by now I don't know. I am sure there will be reruns. Does anyone know anything about Heather?The last few nights I have had terrible dreams. Dreams with a dead caterpillar and bird inside me. It was quite disturbing. Whenever I have a dream like that I think....gadz...what the hell was that about? What is up with that? I like to think these freaky dreams really don't mean anything. They could be from becoming hooked on the show Dexter.

Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN is about Autism tonight and features Amanda. I mentioned her amazing site in a previous post.

Darwin's Morning Poo Disaster, Friends and Sarah Silverman on the Baby Monitor

Today began simple enough. Maizie woke me up at seven wanting me to dress a barbie followed by Christian saying how his belly hurt because he was so hungry. It is not easy dressing a barbie before you are fully awake. Finding Christian something he will willingly eat is even more difficult.

I let Stella out of her crate and we both stumble downstairs. Stella can't quite go down the stairs normally yet. Her belly bounces off of each step. She looks so funny.

My pajamas are drenched from my nightly night sweats. Lovely! Too much information I know. This is the only annoying hormonal thing I notice after my surgery, night sweats. I throw on a my sweatshirt over my wet pajamas and head outside into the freezing cold with Darwin and Stella. Okay, it is not freezing yet but it was especially cold considering I went outside in my nasty pajamas, like a moron. Not to mention I did not have socks on, just flip flops. I do this to myself every year. I hate winter and usually put off getting out our winter coats until I absolutely have to.

Anyway, Darwin is doing his "morning duty" and all is going well until he scoots over about a foot while going and steps right into another pile of his poo. I pick up the poo all the time so he managed to step into the one pile he made late last night. I can tell he notices and he looks at his foot with his wild eyed dog stare. Darwin is a dog known for his clean feet and his ability to jump over poo piles and avoid them at all cost. So when he stepped right into a big pile he freaked. I looked down in horror as Darwin's toes squeezed together, further pushing the dog crap through the tops of his toes and between his nails. What to do? Stella was prancing around picking up sticks and pulling on the leash while Darwin begins hopping on three feet waving his poopy foot around. I pull him over to the outdoor faucet and turn it on. Darwin hates water. He lunges away and I pull his leg back to the faucet. After much wrestling I manage to get his foot under the faucet. The poo splashes all over my pajama pants as Darwin shakes his foot like a horse kicking something from behind. I want to scream but act casual. I would hate to have my freaky neighbors see me like this.

Once inside the house Maizie and Christian begin with their endless requests. But I have bigger fish to fry. I have to get Darwin into the kitchen without him touching anything. Obviously this is not possible. I tell him to stay which to my surprise he does. I sprint to the bathroom and get the baby wipes. Lucky for me Darwin sits calmly as I meticulously clean his paw and toe nails with the baby wipes. I consider his calm behavior a miracle and thank God. Where would I be without baby wipes? These are the best things in the world. I will keep them on hand for the rest of my life. So handy!

Finally, Darwin is clean and I realize I need to tend to my own pajama nightmare. Gross. At moments like this I wonder why on earth I have two dogs. Like Mindy said today, "I don't know how or why you do it? I would never... ever have a dog in my house!" Yeah. Yeah. As little Christian would say, "Whatever."
Once I feed the kids and get a few chores done I sit down to play a game of Sorry with Christian and Maizie. Oh, how I do not like that game. It takes forever! Christian handled his pawns being repeatedly returned to their 'home' spot very well. This is a huge improvement from his past crying melt downs every time a game does not go to his advantage. That's four year olds for ya.

Mid morning I get a text from Mindy asking what I am up to. Well, if she had answered my text message yesterday she would have known! I bring this up to her...via text and she sends back a reply that she never got the text message. Argh. My phone must really suck or people are avoiding me. I suddenly feel paranoid. I need a new phone.

Mindy and Maralyn come over and the kids all play upstairs in Maizie's room. Yeah! Adult conversation. Mindy immediately comments that my house smells like I was cleaning. Yup. I was scrubbing every inch of the kitchen after my morning poo adventure. I tell Mindy I was cleaning just to impress her and she nods knowingly. Mindy and I have been diligently working to watch all of The L Word together. We are way behind. At first I was not enjoying the show at all but like most soap opera like shows, it grew on me.

Janeen and Brian invited us over tonight for dinner. Well, I had called them asking if they were going anywhere for dinner tonight. In other words, "Can we go with you to dinner if you are going out?" Janeen, being the wonderful momma that she is was making dinner. A few minutes later she called me back and invited me and Maizie over for some home cooking. She mashed the potatoes herself. I hardly ever do that. What great friends.
After dinner the baby monitor lit up and we all heard a voice coming from it. Brian went over, picked it up and we all proceeded to listen intently. Brian had a look of total fascination. Sometimes baby monitors pick up noises from the neighbors or ghosts or some weird stuff like that. After watching Brian holding the monitor to his ear for what seemed like a very long time I realize the voice is not an unknown voice. It is the voice of Sarah Silverman from my cell phone ringer! I bust out laughing and tell Brian it is my cell phone not the baby monitor. He laughs...just a little...and I find the whole thing funny enough I am still kinda laughing about it tonight. I love technology. But, did I mention I hate my cell phone and want a new one in a real bad way? Hint. Hint.

If you want to hear the cell phone ring click HERE and scroll down to 'I Don't Have a Cell Phone'.

Plum Wine,Chloe Says the Cutest Thing and Blah Blah Blah

I am writing this tonight after a few glasses of plum wine. So...who knows if I will think it is a very good post in the morning.

Today was a great day. Maizie and I slept till 8! We met Susie and Chloe for a relaxing lunch. The girls were having fun coloring when a waiter came to ask Chloe about a magic wand she had. He said, "What is that? A magic wand?" Chloe was all shy about answering so Maizie said it was a wand. One of us asked what Chloe would do if she could make her wand do something magical. Cutie Chloe said she would do the following with her magic wand...

"I would make my butt a face." Susie and I about spit out our drinks we were laughing so hard. Susie asked Chloe why she would want to do such a thing.

Chloe smiled real big and said, "So I could talk to it!"

Well...of course! That makes perfect sense! Too funny!

After our wonderful lunch we went to It's Playtime. It is a place where they have big slides, toys, dress up clothes, hula hoops and all sorts of fun stuff. Best of all Susie and I got to sit back and talk and talk and talk. It is what we do best. The picture below is of Chloe and Maizie when we went to Botanical Gardens. I forgot my camera again today. This at least lets you see how cute they both are.

The girls had a blast. I was thrilled Maizie was getting lots of exercise. At one point Susie went to use the restroom and came back to tell me someone must have put a diaper in the trash. A very stinky diaper. I agreed since I had been in there many times before trying to convince Maizie that she did not need to go into the restroom every time she wanted to put a dress up outfit over her clothes. It smelled so bad!

I eventually had to use the restroom so bad. I looked around and saw that there were no men anywhere in sight so I headed over to the men's restroom for a smell free spotless experience. With hardly any men in the place it was super clean. Problem solved. Thankfully no one came in. I did get a few strange looks from a lady working there. Well, if they would empty the trash I would not have had to experience the men's restroom.

Once home Maizie played some Webkinz, Joe took the dogs to the park and I cleaned the house for a while. We had no plans for the night but before we knew it a group of us had decided to get dinner somewhere. Where? We usually decide at the last minute. Janeen brought up Indian food. I am usually not too crazy about that. It would not be Cindy's first choice either. In rare form, we both agreed. Poor Cindy is at home right now with a sore belly. Ah, the joys of Indian food. Anyway, I was totally out voted so I agreed to go. I actually had a great meal and have yet to get sick from it. Maizie even ate well.

I managed to fill everyone in on our goal to buy a Webkinz bath tub and my attempt at Second Life. Pat told us a long story about how some squirrels got into his house and he had a long stare down with one. It was a very long and detailed story...about him and a squirrel staring at one another. I could totally relate because I love my squirrel too. As Cindy pointed out though I would not want one in my house. No.

We all talked and talked and talked some more. I was actually losing my voice. See, this is what happens when you are an at home mom. You lack adult conversation and then when you are around friends you explode and talk till people are probably wondering if you will ever shut up. Oh, well. I am not saying I lacked adult conversation all week but with Joe traveling last week I did have lots of alone time. Oh, by the way...the movie Vacancy was super scary. I totally enjoyed it.
Between Pat, Joe and me we earned enough Webkinz cash tonight for a tub and a sink! Wahoo! Finally, Maizie's Koala can get a bath!

Children's Church and Blah Blah Blah

Sunday my sister Marie and I taught Little Kids Church. There were just four kids there, including Maizie. Keeping four children occupied for thirty five minutes was more of a challenge than I thought. Our topic was Adam and Eve with some stuff on sharing thrown in. It felt a bit weird reading about the serpent tempting Eve and talk of Satan and such. The kids did not seem to care. I guess to them Satan is no different than a villain in a Disney movie. Growing up Catholic I heard and saw worse so I don't know why I am always thinking this stuff is too much for kids to take in.

Anyway, after burning through three crafts I began digging through cupboards for more crafty stuff to add to the crafts. I found kids scissors so I had them cut out one of the pictures to glue onto construction paper. Marie and I found out that two of the children needed major help with the cutting. Oh, well. This passed quite a bit of time. Once that was over I found a box of stickers so I gave each child a huge pile of stickers and had them go to town covering their coloring sheet with stickers. One little boy became bored or had a little attitude or something. He turned around in his chair with his eyes closed. I said, "What are you doing? Don't you want to do your craft?" He said in a real hushed voice, "No. I am needing a 'resting'." Okay, who am I to argue with that. Once he was well rested he turned around and began licking his scissors. Yummy!
Once back home I fell asleep on the couch for most of the day while Joe and Maizie continued working on their rocket project. Today Maizie is asking to go buy the motor for it. We are close to take off!

In a bit we go to tutoring which is great. Maizie seems to be feeling okay this morning after having slept till nine. Wonderful!

Right now she is working diligently on a puzzle. Stella is ringing the potty bell every five minutes which is driving me slowly insane. Ooops. Darwin just rang it now. Maybe they really do have to go out.

Check out Maizie's blog on carving pumpkins at my sister's house last night. Maizie is so excited for Halloween! This has always been her favorite holiday.

The Mess That Was Yesterday

Maizie had a sleepless night again. I am pretty tired of everything right now. Wondering what medication is causing her trouble or is it the excitement of the following day? The list goes on and on and I seemingly just love to play it over and over again in my mind. My brain is it's own torture device!

Yesterday we think she had a seizure. Neither Joe nor I were in the living room when it happened but she spent most of the morning sleeping and recovering. The rest of the day she spent cutting up paper into one inch by one inch squares. There were piles of cut up paper in her room, the dining room and all around the living room couch. When I asked her what she was doing she looked at me very serious like and said, "I am working!" After watching this for quite some time I asked her if she would take a break and work on some of her math with me. Once again she gave me a look to kill and said, "Mom! I just told you I am working! I have to get this done!" Hey, who am I to argue with that.

I went back to doing my own thing which involved resting my burning belly. The morning started with our fifty pound German Shepherd mutt jumping full force onto my belly as I was sleeping. What a great way to wake up! I immediately tensed up and for the rest of the day my belly was a pinching, burning mess. For those of you who don't know I am recovering from a hysterectomy. I am in the phase of doing so well I tend to over do it. But, yesterday I am blaming it on our dog Darwin! After some time laying there I fell sound asleep. Joe came up from working and told me the lady would be here in fifteen minutes to measure the kitchen counters. I totally forgot. Luckily Joe is handling this task but as I looked around the house I knew I would be totally embarrassed to have anyone here. Joe even admitted to how bad it looked. If he noticed...believe me it was bad.

Piles of paper squares, the window blinds closed and all the lights off(at Maizie's insistence, typical after a seizure), dog fur all over the place and dirty dishes on the counter they had to measure. Ugh. Normally I would have had everything cleaned up. Not yesterday. I high tailed it to the shower and locked myself in the bathroom.

Since the people measuring were friends and often worked for my mom I was thinking that my mother would be mortified if she knew how nasty our house was for the measuring. My mom is a fantastic designer and her house looks like a model home most of the time. I just can not compete with that. Normally our house is not so bad but yesterday...ugh.

If anything I guess we gave the two ladies who came to measure something to discuss once they left. I imagine talks like this, "Can you imagine?! That poor little girl cooped up all day in that tiny house with no lights on! They call that homeschooling? And what was with the piles of cut up paper she was working on? Did you see the little girl still had her pajamas on and the mom was just showering at two in the afternoon! You would think they could have at least had the counters cleaned up a bit for us. Unbelievable."

Kinda makes me laugh now thinking about it. Not a huge laugh, just a little one.

Over Doing It...Again, Bedroom Mess, My Big Sister's Cane and Hair Cut Questioning

Sunday did not turn out as planned. That is totally my fault too. I over scheduled, over did and expected too much from Maizie as a result. I missed out on church and a meeting I was supposed to attend. I have got to make my Saturday's lazier so Sundays go better. Maizie had a great time playing with friends on Saturday and seeing the play but on Sunday she was very tired. I should have known not to push her but after our long week I wanted to get out.

Luckily, she slept in for the first time in days. She did not wake up until 11 in the morning! I too slept late and then went back to bed around noon and slept till four! My belly was burning and I figured a day of rest was in order. Maizie was just about as out of it as me so Joe sat around working online. First though....I better mention what else he did......he raked all the leaves and swept between the houses. Joe also made a delicious batch of chocolate chip cookies. They were awesome. In between sleeping I ate way too many of Joe's cookies. They were picture perfect but I was too lazy on Sunday to take pictures of them.

Late on Sunday I sent Joe and Maizie to the dog park so I could clean Maizie's room. It took me two hours to reorganize everything. It was the perfect time to get rid of some old nasty toys too. Maizie will never know the difference. Now there will be room to put Christmas and birthday toys.

This room was a result of Christian being over, Chloe and Maralyn. It was no child's fault or mother's fault! Susie offered to help clean up the mess but some messes are just best left for later. I would not let her help me. At that point it was not as bad as seen above. As the weekend went on the room became worse and worse. I tried cleaning it before Maralyn came over but Joe told me that was just crazy. I insisted that they could not play with the room being messy. I took Joe's advice and let the room go. The total disaster was completed Saturday night. I could not get up the energy to clean it until Sunday night. We were actually going to have Janeen and Brian and their two little ones over Sunday night for dinner. I felt so tired and nasty Sunday I had to cancel. Not to mention there was no way I wanted to have friends over with the room like that nor did I want to clean up the mess for company. If I did clean it I knew I would have had to clean up another mess after they left. With out a play room in our house Maizie's small room takes a beating.

I am happy to say that the room is perfectly organized and put together at this point in time. I wonder how many minutes that will last? Maizie keeps a room pretty organized. She has an obsessive mom so she has been well trained. But, when a friend comes over I am not sure what happens. They move from toy to toy and it just becomes chaos.

Monday I ran errand after errand and felt like I accomplished nothing. I hate that. Stella's stitches ripped open. Surprise! I knew they would. She is so wild and hyper that her continuous running and playing are impossible to stop. I picked up an antibiotic at the vet and have been cleaning the area with peroxide and then putting Neosporin on it several times a day. She promptly licks the area after each application. I can not wait till she is better and we can get her out and about more. I have increased her crate time to help her heal and rest. I know she is not liking that at all.

Last night Maizie stayed over at my sister Marie's and I painted Marie's cane that I had promised to do weeks ago. I love it but I am not so sure Marie likes it. It is more my style than hers. I wanted it to look strong and match anything she wears. I offered to add some more pink to it but she said it was growing on her. I hope she does like it. If not, I will be passing it on to my mom to make it more girly or pretty looking. I just don't have that skill. My stuff always ends up looking like me. I put flames on the bottom of the cane. I like that touch. Marie was laughing when she saw that.
Maizie loved the cane. She said it looked cool. Since Maizie has good taste I took that as a complement. My sister Marie had a stroke when she was six years old and was paralyzed on her left side as a result. My Dad has always painted her canes since then. I think he has always done a great job. Maybe he will add to it. It could be a family art piece! How cool would that be?
Maizie has been doing better. She has went three days with no seizures and her energy level seems to be getting a bit better. I am not certain if it is the new medication or her stress level decreasing after the vacation. I never stop questioning and boy is it an exhausting process. I called the cardiologist Susie has recommended to me today and she is traveling until mid November. She will call me as soon as she gets back to schedule. I know she is really good so I am willing to wait until she returns.

Tonight I took Maizie to get her hair cut. I had gotten mine cut last night and just happened to get an appointment set for Maizie today. Maizie was not too thrilled. I had to bribe her with earning a prize. Luckily, I had a white cape I bought for her Halloween costume set back. Maizie does okay getting her hair cut. It was not always that way. I used to take her to a hairdresser, Rachel (Melissa's friend and Maizie's old babysitter) who would move a stool outside to cut her hair since the smells and sounds would send Maizie into a screaming rage. When the rages were too intense I would cut it little by little while she slept or in the bathroom while she ate candy to occupy her thoughts. That was a mess since most candy is sticky and hair would cling to the candy. Yuck.

Now, her main difficulty is being touched and having to sit still. She leans so far forward the hairdresser has to keep saying, "Sit back a bit. Put your head up." Her head droops low and makes for a difficult time cutting. I had never taken Maizie to see this hair dresser, he name is Amy and she is my friend Mindy's step sister. Maizie did pretty good.

Before we went Maizie asked me a million questions. Here are a few of them. What is the chair like? Will Amy be nice? What color is her hair? What does she look like? Will she wear shoes? Will she put a towel around my head? Will the towel be white? I don't want that towel around my neck! Will she spray water in my eyes? Will she comb my hair? Will there be noise? Will she dry my hair? What color is the cape? I am a kid I don't want a cape! Will she comb my hair? Will she wash my hair? Will she spray my hair? You get the picture.

It is all about preparation for what to expect. We had never been to this salon so I should have known what I would be in for. Once in the hair cutting chair she was practically silent. She asked Amy who the kids were in one of her photos and talked a little bit about what Christian likes. It was cute. She did really well. If I would not have taken the time to answer all of those questions with a big ol' smile she would have had a huge melt down.

Tonight she went to bed pretty early! Yes! I have some quiet time. We managed to get some home schooling done after dinner. Thank goodness for the flexibility of homeschooling. Tonight we did lots of math and Maizie got the giggles. Trying to work with her when that happens is a real pain but cute nonetheless.

I am off to do my lovely exercise routine and complete my bible study for tomorrow. I am thinking positive that Maizie will wake up and feel like a million bucks tomorrow! Hey, maybe I will too!

Blah Blah Blah La De Da

Today we had another slow day. Maizie worked on puzzles while looking very droopy and tired. I would say, "Maizie...are you sleepy? Maybe you should take a little nap." She would then look at me with her best scowling look and growl,"I told you....I am NOT tired!" Ummmm...yeah....right.

Tonight we went to out to dinner with Susie and Chloe. I had my usual tacos carne asada. Totally delicious. After that the girls came to our house to play while Susie and I talked and talked and talked some more. Here are a few of the topics we touched on....

Oprah's show on couples hiring surrogates in India for their much wanted child to be
High School Musical and Zach not singing much in the first show
Nip/Tuck...Susie filling me in on the last season since I am just now getting hooked on it
Cleaning up other kids "messy accidents" and how difficult that can be
Our working at group homes
Throwing out old plastic crappy toys to make room for the upcoming Holidays
Clothing for our kids and how much or how little they have, due to growth spurts
Missing traveling husbands and yet enjoying quiet evenings at home alone
Chloe's crush on Zach from High School Musical
Jackets from the 80's and all the buttons put on them
Maizie's seizures and medication issues, doctors we have been to and consider using
The movie Hairspray, The Woodsman, Little Children, Sleeping Beauty (and all her other names), Weeds, Huff, The Office and how it seems to be lacking in it's greatness this season
Boomer and his health
Darwin and his shiny teeth
The cost of pets
The SPCA and Chloe's volunteer work with cats
Old Navy shopping and difficulty finding correct sizes
Treasure Box for chores being done
Hilger's and how over priced it is for the Halloween Celebration
What to do about little kid acne
Making the most out of a small bedroom

and probably a million other little subjects here and there. I think women and how they communicate is amazing. We can move from subject to subject and back to a previous subject with no confusion. The amount we can cover in a short period of time with two children wanting our attention is impressive.

Maizie is dressing her little cub stuffed animal up in doll clothes. The dogs are running around like they have not been exercised in two days...which they have not. We are paying a price for that! I tried to get Maizie to go with me to the dog park but she was not up to it. Bummer. Stella looks crazed.

Did anyone watch The Sarah Silverman Program last night where she licked her dogs butt? I love it when the guy in rehab or whatever kind of hospital it was says to Sarah, "You're just a curious eccentric aren't ya?" Yes, I would definitely describe the character Sarah in this way. Even though I would consider being called a curious eccentric a bit of a complement and there is truly something kinda pathetic and yet endearing about the character Sarah. I hope this show lasts because I just get a huge kick out of it. If I lived alone and had no husband or child I could totally see myself becoming a tad bit lost in my own world. Kinda like Sarah is. Pitiful? Maybe a tad. Would my sister Melissa (my sweet pet) take care of me though and provide me with clothes (I would prefer Anthropologie), good food and a place to live...somewhere warm...please....hmmmmmm? Would I have to live in Guilford? Gadz. I will keep the life I have now. Just teasing Melissa.

I think Joe and Melissa are the only other people I know that watch The Sarah Silverman Program. So, most of you reading this are probably wondering what the heck I am blabbing about.

Movies About High School

Maizie is watching High School Musical Two....again. Why don't they make any movies like Pretty In Pink, The Breakfast Club or Some Kind of Wonderful? You know the ones that show a tad more reality of what school is really like. Kids being alienated while others strive to remain popular amidst major peer pressure? The typical story of the loner trying to survive or get the popular kid to fall for them. Okay, maybe those plots are just as lame...just as contrived. I still found them easier to relate too though. All of these were made by John Hughes. Where is he when we need him? Possibly things are just too out of control now and he does not even want to touch the obstacles young people face today. Sticking to Beethoven movies or Home Alone may seem a tad bit safer to Mr. Hughes.

Every time we watch High School Musical I find myself explaining to Maizie that school really is not like what you see in the movie. Not everyone is so....cute, nice, rich, clean, smart or healthy. She just looks at me like I have lost it. I don't think she really cares. Maizie just loves the music, the dancing and the bright colors...the fashion.

We had our thirteen year old nephew over one night and I forced him to watch Pretty In Pink. He did not survive even thirty minutes before he was begging me to turn it off. He complained it was sooooooo boring! I guess maybe that is just too girly of a movie. Now his age group enjoys American Pie and Eurotrip and few others that are way more crazy then anything I remember seeing. Even these are not as 'school centered'.

Possibly there have been lots of cooler school based movies that I don't even know about. Maybe I am just too out of it now. I suppose there was Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen or Mean Girls...hmmmm....Sleepover (that was kinda cute, no depth like the old ones though).....Bratz The Movie....gadz. I guess there really are not any movies like from the 80's. Am I wrong in thinking they were way cooler and more fun than the movies of today? Or am I just getting old? What do you think?

Nothing New and A Neighbor Rants

I am feeling much better. My swelly belly is making me a tad frustrated. I am forcing myself to take it easy. If you don't, you risk causing adhesions which are painful and can cause all kinds of trouble.

Enough on that riveting subject. I have been walking Stella twice a day. A short walk but a walk nonetheless. Stella is amazing on the leash. She heels and sits so easy. We are still working on the 'down' command. She immediately rolls to her back. I am not sure how to stop her from doing that. The biggest problem we are having is teaching Stella how to go down our amazingly steep steps. She has gained another five pounds so I really should not be carrying her down the steps. She went from ten pounds to fifteen in what felt like a flash. Her legs are looking more gangly. I caught Darwin and Stella spooning one another today while napping. Adorable. I wanted to take a photo but I knew the minute I walked by them Stella would move.

This weekend we did not do much at all. No dinners out, no guests over...just lots of naps, cuddling on the couch and watching television. Maizie watched High School Musical 2 and loved it. I must say it was pretty cute. Joe and I enjoyed Disturbia. I can see why the critics said it was like a modern Hitchcock movie. Tonight we finished up the first season of Monk. Cindy will be excited. She has been wanting to get her hands on it since we bought it. Joe and Maizie had a date today to see Evan Almighty. Maizie loves her movie dates with Dad.

We did go to church today. It was great to be able to get up and function and make it to church. It was not easy to sit for the whole hour. Everyone was happy to see us. I can't say I was very talkative but I was there! I feel so thankful for all of the help our church has given us. Activities for Maizie, phone calls to see how I am and lots of cards and prayers. I love our church. Maizie is excited to begin Sunday School next week. We also being Bible Study this week.

Not much new to be blabbing about on my blog today. Oh, I did have an annoyingly bizarre encounter with a neighbor today. I was taking Stella out to go potty and heard a woman in the apartment speaking to someone saying, "I am gonna call the landlord if that bitch don't start picking up that dog shit all over. I can't even walk in the yard it's so fu***** bad!"

I was enjoying my time outside watching the squirrels harass Stella before this annoying woman was making her thoughts known. Joe and I keep the yard very clean. I don't know what compelled her to begin her rant. Yup. I really wanted to move today after that.

This weekend was the historic neighborhood tour. For two days people pay to walk around our neighborhood and tour the houses that have been fixed up and retain some of their historic aspects. Our house was on the tour once. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun. Next year our house will be looking nicer. With this surgery Joe has been too busy helping Maizie and I have been too busy sleeping to get much yard work done. The neighborhood association encourages more single family dwellings. I am glad for that. Neighbors like ours really suck. Families tend to have more pride in ownership. The apartments around here are so incredibly inexpensive to rent that you never know who you are going to get living next door. Granted, we have rented in two historic apartments on Berry when we were first married. But, I think we would have been considered exceptional renters. Okay. Enough on that. I know I am just venting. Tomorrow will be a better day. There are many beautiful aspects of our neighborhood and I should not let our neighbors get me down. But, that is easier said than done.

I Want to Be Alone and Mindy is Not Shaving

I feel like I have not left this house for days...no months. In all actuality I was out of the house just yesterday. I went to the doctor and two different Walgreen's. I guess what I meant to say is...I have not been alone in this house for days. I have not been alone anywhere for any length of time. I need some alone time. Very quiet and very alone time.

Well, now I have it and I am choosing to write a quick blog. Joe had the idea to get a baby gate for the kitchen to keep the puppy in or out of the kitchen. I immediately said, "You and Maizie should go right now and get one!" And they did. Ah, peace and quiet. Stella is back in her crate and Darwin is staring out the front window and the crickets are too loud, but I am used to that.

I wanted Joe to take Stella along and get the gate at Pet Smart. Nope. He was not having that. He wanted to go to Target. Hmmmmm.....I suddenly had very mixed emotions. I wanted to cry because I want to go to Target too! I always want to go to Target. Chances are if you call me up and you want me to go to Target with you, I will. So when Joe wants to go to Target when I want to get some peace and quiet around here I feel conflicted. Bummer. Usually he goes to Meijers. I don't drool for Meijers like I do Target. In fact I will do anything not to go to Meijers or Wal Mart or Scotts or Krogers or anywhere other than Target. I do like the Fresh Market though.

It struck me then that I could not go to Target even if I wanted to. I can barely walk to the bathroom without feeling like I need to sit down and take a break. My belly drain is still visible and I don't really care to be seen with it or with my protruding and misshapen swollen belly. I really am trapped at home. Argh! I can't even drive until I am off of the pain medications. I have thought about stopping them but I can't get past my belly feeling like someone is using a blowtorch on the inside of it. That feeling just requires pain meds.
Guess what?! Joe's company Radvision sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a 'get well soon' balloon today. I was so hoping I would get some flowers so I was pretty excited. Mindy came over with her daughter Maralyn today and that was great too. We sat around and talked about food with Joe. We ate his latest apple pie and discussed shaving or Mindy's lack of shaving lately. She has blonde hair and mine is very dark brown so she can get away with not shaving. If I don't shave I look like I want to be an ape or something crazy. I always shave. Daily....with a smile. Always. Oops. I lost what I was talking about. Food. They both like to cook... so every now and then I would get this real vacant stare but I was enjoying the conversation anyway. At one point though everyone was talking, the dogs were playing and the t.v. was going and I thought I was freaking out. I could not hear anyone and everything seemed extra loud. I had to shut off the television, sent the puppy to bed, insisted the girls play in Maizie's room and then I was able to focus. Being on drugs is difficult. I don't know how people manage daily recreational use at all.

Later in the day Cindy called and asked if we needed anything. Joe had her pick up a loaf of bread for me since I am totally loving cinnamon and sugar toast prepared by Joe (it has to be prepared by someone else) with real butter. I had eight pieces this morning. I wanted more. Cindy gladly picked up a loaf and stopped by. Best of all she brought me some Swedish Fish! Lord have Mercy! I was thrilled. Not just any ol' Swedish Fish. These were the mixed colors from Fresh Market. My favorite. I plan on eating them later tonight while Joe and I watch some movie we just got in from Net Flix. If I can stay awake that long. I love my friends. I had Joe hide the Swedish Fish and made him promise he would not eat any of them. The last batch I had he insisted on eating a lot of them. He even took the bag out and sat down with them like they were his. Just imagine. He told me he bought them and that meant he could eat them. Oh, that really sent me over the edge.

Joe cleaned up the house today. It was looking real bad. He forgot to clean the toilet so I will have to talk to him about that later. He will love me bringing that up. He worked at teaching Maizie how to vacuum. It was so cute. She is getting the hang of it. Joe had to be pretty specific about why you have to try and go over as much of the carpet as possible. She eventually said it was a lot of work and moved on to greater endeavours.

I brought up that I had real reservations concerning Joe returning to the dungeon to work tomorrow. I was nervous to bring this up to Joe since he is somewhat of a workaholic. He took it great though and agreed I was not ready for him to return to work. Luckily Radvision was very understanding and let him take the rest of the week off. Taking care of Maizie in the state I am in is not easy. It has really been stressing her out that I am laying around and all. This morning we had it out with one another. She wanted to watch Diego. I refused to have anything on the television where whining is the main point. It seemed very reasonable that if she wanted to watch Diego she could go up to her room and watch it. That did not go over well and before I knew it Joe was helping us come to a compromise. We both agreed to watch Austin Powers 'Gold Member'. An old favorite that we both enjoy.

I am pretty sure she thought that I would be magically healed after the surgery and be up and running around better than ever. Time is a concept Maizie has yet to grasp. Joe was trying to explain to her again tonight that we were eating dinner so it is night time. She was thinking it was lunch time. We go through this every day and it never gets any easier. Regression is in the air too. When stress this big hits home Maizie regresses emotionally and educationally. It will pass. Once I am better she will remember how to spell, be in her room alone and not be so easily upset. I doubt she will have the whole time thing figured out by then though. Oh, well.

My eyes are having a difficult time focusing now. I may break open those Swedish Fish.

Five Squirrels, Strawberries and Nothing New

Maizie and I went to the dog park today. Check out the dog park days blog! I am having lots of fun taking pictures of the dogs. Being around all of these dogs is making us want another real bad. Maizie wants a little dog that fits directly under Darwin. She goes into great detail explaining the size of the dog. Right now she has an interest in a Shih Tzu. I like this breed because they are so funny and friendly. I think it would be a good match. However, Joe and I both prefer bigger dogs. Time will tell.

After the dog park we went to the park with Beth and her girls. It was pretty darn hot out so we did not stay too long. Beth gave me some strawberry plants from her yard. After we played with Beth and the girls Maizie and I came home and I planted the strawberries and watered them. Within an hour I look out the bathroom window and see a squirrel enjoying a nice red strawberry. Argh. Oh, well. That is what I get for being a squirrel lover. I now have five squirrels eating the buffet of peanuts and corn. Two of the squirrels are really tiny babies. I love watching them the most. Maizie and I have been reading books on squirrels and found a fun website called The All New Squirrel Place.

Tonight we ate a cheap meal at Taco Bell and took off for the dog park again. Maizie was so excited to go from the moment we came home from Beth's house. I was able to distract her for a few minutes with a trip to the library.

We have been taking it easy around here. No real wild stuff to report. I have been getting things done around the house. I have been doing the whole weird pre surgery nesting behavior again. I try to chill and not over clean or over organize but I can't stop myself. You would think I was going in for a surgery that would leave me in bed for weeks. Argh. I am so ready to get this over with! Granted, I still can't get myself to clean out our scary garage.

Addictions, Change and Feeling Good

Today we went over to Marie's. Daniel was practicing the trombone for the upcoming concert. We took off for Pizza Hut to take advantage of the free pizza certificates that Christian and Maizie earned reading their library books.

Christian sits sipping from his straw until the soda is gone. He just can not resist it. Maizie was taking the time to teach Christian math again. She is feeling more positive when it comes to math and it shows.

Just after telling Chrisitan to take his Croc off the table I moved the camera down and caught this shot. There is something that is just too cute about it.

Tonight I made a new blog header for my blog and Maizie's. I am pretty excited about both of them. Next I have to make one for the Me and Lil' Maizie blog.

The heart from above was taken from a photo of some graffiti real close to our house. I had seen it a few months ago and just knew I had to go back and get a shot of it. I am glad I did. Maizie's is from a photo I took a few weeks ago at my parent's pond. It was a tad blurry but something told me to save it.

Joe and I are both sitting at our lap tops watching the depressing movie Candy about two heroine junkies. Wow. Am I ever glad I have never struggled with addictions to drugs. This movie paints a pretty clear picture of how terrible and heart breaking it all is.

In the birthday book Joe and I have I am said to have an addictive personality type. Lucky for me I have never been addicted to anything.

My favorite part of this movie is the beginning. The couple is inside one of those rides that spins around and around until the floor drops and you are sucked against the wall. They are playing a beautiful song by This Mortal Coil. It brought back memories of being a child and going on that ride. To me the feeling was incredible. When you are there you only exist in that moment, in that thrill. I like that feeling.

If anything I am a person addicted to "feeling". I love rides and the subtle thrill of trying simple new things. Always have. In a way it is an addiction of its own that has to be kept in check. A friend of mine recently told me that I am a 'woman of change'. I don't really know if that is true. Most changes have always been thrown my way and I just try to run with it. It seems to me the easiest thing to do. Fighting change, fighting feelings is what leads to such bad addictions in the first place.

I think for some people chronic pain forces you to move beyond the exact moment in which one is feeling pain. You begin to see a larger picture, a lesson or a blessing or sometimes a euphoria. Even with this I am ready to let go of chronic pain. Ready to let go of that sort of intensity. If I am fortunate for everything to work as planned.

I went off on a tangent there a bit. Don't even know if that really makes sense but it seems I need to say it. I am tired of filtering everything I say and do. And yet, to some degree I know that filtering is to some degree impossible to avoid. There was a time when I was way more open with my creativity and my expression. I want to get back to that in a more balanced sort of way. This blog is helping me do that one step at a time. Of course my Cymbalta is working wonders also. I am so glad to be feeling good right now...like this.