Hyper Focus on Love

We took Maizie to my sister's house for the day while we went to Joe's sister's wedding. What a beautiful wedding. I am so happy for Angie.

Maizie was excited to get to go to a Halloween event at the local zoo with her Great Aunt Julie. On the way home in the car she was playing with a toy she had bought that played music. As always she was deriving great joy from playing the song over and over and over again. After many plays my sister said she got real serious and said, "Marie....is that enough now?" Marie said,"Oh...yes! It sure is!" After that Maizie stopped playing the music.

The funny thing about Maizie is she expects and wants us to tell her whenever something is "enough". At the Chinese restaurant when she puts her favorite red sauce all over her rice she always says, "Tell me when to stop mom!" So I do.

When she is getting wild and out of control running around the house she will often blame me for not telling her to stop. It is interesting to me that she has this foresight to know that she is over doing it but can't stop doing it unless I say,"That is enough." She has become furious with me for not telling her to stop something soon enough. Like playing with a toy in a rough way until it breaks. Or lately she is cutting up these puzzles that you glue onto another piece of paper with the image on it. Many times she will cut out the puzzle pieces and then continue to cut up the piece she is supposed to glue the pieces too. Obviously she did not want to be doing this and it was upsetting her to no end. Finally she seemed out of breath as she said, "I just can't stop! Tell me to stop cutting Mom! Why don't you tell me to stop?" I told her to stop and she did but she also refused to do those puzzles the rest of the day.

Of course with certain things she does not ask me to tell her to stop and refuses to do anything but the task at hand. Like when she was cutting up paper squares for most of the day. Hundreds and hundreds of little squares. She was working on these paper squares as if her very life depended on it.

She did this as a toddler too. Almost every night she would take all of her belongings and push them under her bed. I don't mean just a few toys. I mean everything, her clothes, toys, hangers, decorations,rugs, everything. I would come into her room in the morning in total shock. I never heard a peep out of her all night. It must have taken quite a bit of time but with as fast as she tends to move I never really could figure out how long it would take her. Everything was smashed so tightly under the bed I would have to pull hard to move things apart. It always amazed me and upset me to no end since we were having to clean up quite the mess on a daily basis.

As she got older she moved onto other pursuits like painting her arms green in the middle of the night. Or making little play doh balls for hours on end. These periods were what I called hyper focusing and they never lasted for more than a few days. Once it was over we would go for weeks with her being unable to focus on much of anything. Granted, you need to remember that she is hyper focusing on what she wants to focus on. Trying to explain this to doctors never went too well. They just looked at me like I was nuts. Usually I got responses like this, "You are not stimulating her enough. You should consider getting a low balance beam for your living room." A what? Oh, the advice we were given! No advice was every very useful.

Luckily, as time went on she acquired more skills for her "all nighters". She can read, draw pictures and watch movies. The room is always a mess but nothing like her toddler and preschool years.

Maizie's ability to focus and not focus has always baffled me. The great thing about our life right now is we can go with the flow. Homeschooling can work around these times.

I guess I was thinking about all of this today because our house has been next to impossible to keep clean. Maizie's piles can be found on every surface and in every room of our very tiny home. When I feel totally frustrated by this I just remember how thankful I am that she has gained enough skills to enjoy many different activities and is using her imagination more now than ever. I am so proud of her. Every little pile and mess shows skills and interests that I worried Maizie would never have. If I was blogging years ago you would be totally amazed to see where Maizie is today.

Of course we still have endless struggles and communication difficulties but I am so thankful for where she is today.

I wish I knew why some children are able to move forward more than others. I think about how far we have come and then think about the children who have yet to speak or hug or play with toys and my heart breaks.

I know my parents went through similar times with my sister Marie who had a stroke at age six and has struggled physically ever since. In many ways my sister who is disabled has far surpassed me in your typical life goals. She has a degree. I don't. She has given birth to two beautiful and wonderful boys. I have never given birth and never will. She never speaks a bad word about anyone. I do. She never swears. I certainly fail here too.

How has my sister over came obstacles that most doctors and specialists said she would never be able to accomplish? For starters she has two great parents who were not willing to listen to every doctor's bleak prediction for my sister's future. They fought hard and long for her in every aspect of her life and continue to do so to this day.

What am I saying in all of this? Love, love and love some more and never, never stop fighting for your child. Many times results are slow to see. When it gets to be too hard have faith and love some more. If you have to 'hyper focus' on anything for your child...focus on love.