Reflections

I began blogging on Monday February 5th, 2007. This will be my 225th post since then! I can't believe it. I was not really sure if I would stick to it and enjoy it but I have really fallen in love with blogging.

I have one friend who said that blogging is a way for people to make their insignificant lives seem significant to themselves. Something like that. Needless to say, I was not impressed and a little hurt by that comment.

Blogging and reading blogs has opened up a whole new world of support, understanding and friendship that I have never been able to experience before. I love reading about all of the children similar to Maizie. I gain ideas and inspiration. Much more so than any counselor or therapist has given me in years. Since blogging I have been able to stop my personal counseling. I used to go mainly to talk about Maizie. I know it drove my counselor nuts and he was always asking me to talk more about myself but I told him that was not what I needed. Lets face it, many of our friends just don't want to hear about what we are going through all the time. I understand that so I paid someone to listen.

Before I blogged I journaled. I have filled many notebooks since we adopted Maizie. Oh, how I wish I would have been blogging back then. People would be in awe at the progress Maizie has made.

I remember writing in my journal with it resting on the kitchen counter. Maizie was four. Tears rolling down my face. Maizie standing behind me, screaming and crying, hitting my thighs over and over again. She had not been sleeping and therefore neither had I. I would just stand there and write what Maizie was doing while it was happening. I needed this break in order to try and help her move past whatever she was struggling with. Most of the time understanding what she needed was impossible. Often, the only respite I had was during this time of writing. I could "write away" her screams. Make it seem as if I was outside of my current world, observing. Sometimes ideas would come to me as I wrote and I would turn around to my very sad, very sick child with a renewed strength. With writing came a power and a feeling of peace amidst Maizie's pain. Writing and prayer often worked together. In a way writing is very much like praying, a working out of issues. Laying it all out for God to wrestle with when I think I can't handle anything more.

This is a picture of Maizie at about age four. No one would have guessed she was struggling by looking at most of the photos. Her main words were, "I like horses." and she screamed most of the day, found it difficult to sleep and was abusive to herself and others. Yup, progress has been made.
In this past year I have written about many happy and wonderful times. There have been some struggles too. We had a new diagnosis for Maizie. This brought a sigh of relief knowing that some of the most revered professionals saw what we saw and want to help Maizie feel healthy and happier. It also brought much confusion considering she is the only child we have found with this particular disorder. Once again, we felt alone and had no idea what to do. The doctor said Maizie still fits the diagnosis of Autism and we agree. This is where we find most of our support and ideas.
For this next year I would like to say I have some great resolutions but I only have the same goals I have yet to complete from last year. Many of them involve Maizie's care. She needs to see the cardiologist. We see a new neurologist that is closer to our home next week and are praying she will handle all of Maizie's medication needs. We will possibly return to the Cleveland Clinic to further investigate why Maizie's seizures are not slowing down. A lot of the same.
My resolution is to do all of these things with grace and love. To enjoy my family, to live life so that I can look back and be proud and feel peace. I also have hope that this new year will bring less pain for myself physically since my surgery.

We have a few goals that we continue to work towards. A bigger house will be needed. Maizie is growing up and needs more space of her own. The dogs need a big yard for running. I am not sure but I think we are itching to live in the country this time. Homeschooling will continue for now since we feel it has improved and enriched our lives more than we ever dreamed possible.

To everyone I wish a New Year full of love, learning, joy and peace. Thank you for your support, comments and for sharing your lives with me.

Joe wanted to pick out his favorite blog post from the year and this is the one he chose. He was pretty upset no one left any comments on it. Oh, well. Check it out if you have time.