There is a Shift Happening....
Today Maizie and me met Robert and Dustin at the zoo. Robert is an home Dad. Like me Sheri and Robert figured out it was much easier to have one parent at home caring for Dustin who has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Both Maizie and Dustin struggle with memory issues, insomnia and varying learning and communication difficulties. Both are adopted and share remarkable adoption stories. Robert is the first at home dad with a special needs child that I have met.
It probably would have been better to visit a park where Robert and I could have just sat there. Instead, we braved the zoo. There was something about Maizie and Dustin today. Dustin had missed a medication and seemed to be doing well but as Robert pointed out he was getting a bit "flippy". Maizie has been on edge for a few days. Her morning naps have been missed and she has been waking in the early morning. Maizie insists everything go her way and it is really grating on my nerves. I have been lacking in patience and rather than listen to her beg, I tend to cave in to her demands. Sigh.
The two of them, Maizie and Dustin seemed to feed off of one another. Maizie was obsessing over riding the horses and then Dustin began requesting to ride the horses as well. We allowed them to ride the log ride on their own and once that was done Maizie was on to begging for the next ride. I tried setting down the rules but to no avail. Maizie was on the verge of a melt down. I doubt Robert noticed. Was Dustin on the verge as well? I did not notice if he was. It is interesting that I can see the very subtle red flags of an impending melt down for my own child but it takes a great deal of time with another child to learn their signs.
It is apparent that when Maizie and Dustin are together things will be about moving quickly from one thing to the next. Typical for both of them to be like that, possibly even more so when the two are together. But, that is okay. Seeing Maizie interact with a child closer to her age with similar struggles is precious. I think they have made a connection. It will be up to us to figure out what activities would best entertain them when they are together.
The goats were extra jumpy and hungry today. As I was taking pictures they were jumping up against my legs, scraping their dirty hooves down my legs. I was not pleased. For some reason they seemed extra stinky to me today.
I love this picture of Dustin and Maizie smiling. I would have enjoyed being a little mouse observing them on the log ride. Did they talk to one another or just sit there? I asked Maizie what they talked about and she refused to speak. I guess I will never know. Dustin seems to have a lot to say so maybe he spoke and Maizie listened?
Tomorrow is Maizie's testing for the Children's Autism Center. Finally. Maizie is excited to go. She told her little friend Chloe that she is going to that "Autism place". Sometimes she talks about Autism briefly with her friends. Simple, passing phrases. She says, "I will go to that Autism place. I am nervous." I don't know what her friends parents say about Autism or if they have ever even mentioned it at all. I explain to her friends that Maizie learns in a unique way. Maizie is extra sensitive to noise and light so regular school does not work for Maizie. They nod and smile and before I know it they both run off playing.
Sometimes when I go to bed I think about Maizie and how she is getting older. This week she hung up Jonas Brothers posters on her wall and requested to put their music on her MP3 player. I wonder about her inability to do simple math, remember her phone number or understand the passing of time. I marvel over her ability to read and spell and interact with animals. I want everything for her and yet I know...
Things are changing and I welcome it and yet it scares me. Where will Maizie's growing up leave me? So much of my life is all about Maizie. Life gets that way when you have a child who is so reliant on you. Where do I begin and Maizie ends? There is a shift happening. It is welcomed and yet it brings me to my knees.
14 comments:
Sounds like a great day! Great pictures! I hope she does well tomorrow!
Yes, I know what you are talking about. That business of where they end and we begin and what happens later. Special needs is the invitation to extra parenting and sometimes there is so much of it that it's hard for me to see myself beyond that role. Of course, it's going to change. That'll be weird.
that pig picture is too funny! i'm glad maizie has met such a special friend :)
Good luck at the Autism Center. I imagine they will be a good resource for you. You are such a good mom, so in tune with things. Blessings.
Sometimes kids can be frustrating. And none of us are saints.
Last night I came home to find Buddy Boy playing with his DS in one room, while Sweet Pea was doing a puzzle with Liz in the other.
I went into the room where Buddy Boy was and attempted (unsuccessfully) to engage him in conversation. When I asked if he wanted to talk to me he said "No", so I left him and joined Liz and Sweet Pea.
While marveling at Sweet Pea's prowess with a new puzzle (and not very loudly, either), Buddy Boy yells out that we are distracting him, and he can't play well. Basically I told him to get over it, and that we lived there, too. Perhaps not the best response, but as I said, none of us is perfect.
So hang in there, and keep on keeping on.
Joe
p.s. Once when Buddy Boy was 5 years old, he told someone on the playground that he was autistic. I heard the other child say "I like to draw, too."
Wow. What an honest post. Growing up is such a bittersweet thing. That's great that Maizie has so much in common with her friend.
We watched a Prime Time special last night about kids with Tourettes. The parents and kids (early teens I believe) were grappling with home school vs. public school. The parents were extremely honest and candid. Very thought provoking.
Too fun! I wish I could've skipped work! I love to see them smiling too and it IS so wonderful that they have a friend who doesn't see each other as so terribly different!
Robert said you mentioned the pool, did you know that Northside offers a "special needs swim" on Mondays from 5:15-6:15 for free? It is AWESOME and there are only about 20 people there. . . you should join us!
Marla, great entry, and so relatable! I too feel like things are shifting, as if I am losing a little control sometimes, like Casey doesn't need me as much and sometimes needs me even more! Good luck tomorrow, and please let us know how it goes.
They make a cute couple by the way!!!!
What a powerful post! I'm so glad you guys have connected with Sheri, Robert and Dustin. Great pictures. Let me know when you're free. I was thinking maybe a girls night out somewhere soon. Angie would like to get to know you guys better. She felt bad she didn't spend more time with you at the cookout. Janeen came into the store and wants to get together too. Let me know what you think...
Your last paragraph really caught at my heart, Marla -- I've gone through some similar issues of trying to figure out where my children end and I begin over the past year.
Particularly once we got through the last of J's major surgeries for a while. I just collapsed in a puddle of spent adrenaline. I'm making my way back though -- slowly. And I know you will too :)
About the shifting relationship...yeah, my parents, especially my dad, know all about that one. I'm going off to college in a couple months, and it's especially hard on y dad, since he's the one who stayed home when I was first born until I was in elementary school.
When I was 10, that was when I was first diagnosed, and I don't think I knew anything about the word "autism" until I got diagnosed, and even then I thought of myself as not being "really" autistic, and have bounced back and forth in varying degrees of understanding and acceptance of being autistic.
Glad to hear that she gets to interact with people her age who are open to communicating with her. Definitely a better social education than I got in the public schools.
What a lovely, thoughtful post. Change really is the only constant in life. Welcoming it and being scared at the same time sounds pretty normal to me.
I can again relate to Maizie with the wanting her own way thing, even though I'm all grown up. That rigidity thing, the feeling of safety that you get from feeling in control of your environment. When the world seems to throwing way too much stuff, noise, lights, smells at you. Of course I don't verbalise it now, but I feel it.
Ah, I'm waffling, hope this makes sense.
I have trouble letting go and granting (in limited measures) my child his much desired independence. It's hard, but I've found it also gives me a measure of freedom also when I do so. As for the caving into demands to avoid a public meltdown only to face another instant demand... I've so been there!! My husband is much better at being firm against caving into our son than I.
I hope the testing goes well.
It looks like they had fun at the zoo. I love the photos.
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