Addictions, Change and Feeling Good

Today we went over to Marie's. Daniel was practicing the trombone for the upcoming concert. We took off for Pizza Hut to take advantage of the free pizza certificates that Christian and Maizie earned reading their library books.

Christian sits sipping from his straw until the soda is gone. He just can not resist it. Maizie was taking the time to teach Christian math again. She is feeling more positive when it comes to math and it shows.

Just after telling Chrisitan to take his Croc off the table I moved the camera down and caught this shot. There is something that is just too cute about it.

Tonight I made a new blog header for my blog and Maizie's. I am pretty excited about both of them. Next I have to make one for the Me and Lil' Maizie blog.

The heart from above was taken from a photo of some graffiti real close to our house. I had seen it a few months ago and just knew I had to go back and get a shot of it. I am glad I did. Maizie's is from a photo I took a few weeks ago at my parent's pond. It was a tad blurry but something told me to save it.

Joe and I are both sitting at our lap tops watching the depressing movie Candy about two heroine junkies. Wow. Am I ever glad I have never struggled with addictions to drugs. This movie paints a pretty clear picture of how terrible and heart breaking it all is.

In the birthday book Joe and I have I am said to have an addictive personality type. Lucky for me I have never been addicted to anything.

My favorite part of this movie is the beginning. The couple is inside one of those rides that spins around and around until the floor drops and you are sucked against the wall. They are playing a beautiful song by This Mortal Coil. It brought back memories of being a child and going on that ride. To me the feeling was incredible. When you are there you only exist in that moment, in that thrill. I like that feeling.

If anything I am a person addicted to "feeling". I love rides and the subtle thrill of trying simple new things. Always have. In a way it is an addiction of its own that has to be kept in check. A friend of mine recently told me that I am a 'woman of change'. I don't really know if that is true. Most changes have always been thrown my way and I just try to run with it. It seems to me the easiest thing to do. Fighting change, fighting feelings is what leads to such bad addictions in the first place.

I think for some people chronic pain forces you to move beyond the exact moment in which one is feeling pain. You begin to see a larger picture, a lesson or a blessing or sometimes a euphoria. Even with this I am ready to let go of chronic pain. Ready to let go of that sort of intensity. If I am fortunate for everything to work as planned.

I went off on a tangent there a bit. Don't even know if that really makes sense but it seems I need to say it. I am tired of filtering everything I say and do. And yet, to some degree I know that filtering is to some degree impossible to avoid. There was a time when I was way more open with my creativity and my expression. I want to get back to that in a more balanced sort of way. This blog is helping me do that one step at a time. Of course my Cymbalta is working wonders also. I am so glad to be feeling good right now...like this.