Darwin's Morning Poo Disaster, Friends and Sarah Silverman on the Baby Monitor

Today began simple enough. Maizie woke me up at seven wanting me to dress a barbie followed by Christian saying how his belly hurt because he was so hungry. It is not easy dressing a barbie before you are fully awake. Finding Christian something he will willingly eat is even more difficult.

I let Stella out of her crate and we both stumble downstairs. Stella can't quite go down the stairs normally yet. Her belly bounces off of each step. She looks so funny.

My pajamas are drenched from my nightly night sweats. Lovely! Too much information I know. This is the only annoying hormonal thing I notice after my surgery, night sweats. I throw on a my sweatshirt over my wet pajamas and head outside into the freezing cold with Darwin and Stella. Okay, it is not freezing yet but it was especially cold considering I went outside in my nasty pajamas, like a moron. Not to mention I did not have socks on, just flip flops. I do this to myself every year. I hate winter and usually put off getting out our winter coats until I absolutely have to.

Anyway, Darwin is doing his "morning duty" and all is going well until he scoots over about a foot while going and steps right into another pile of his poo. I pick up the poo all the time so he managed to step into the one pile he made late last night. I can tell he notices and he looks at his foot with his wild eyed dog stare. Darwin is a dog known for his clean feet and his ability to jump over poo piles and avoid them at all cost. So when he stepped right into a big pile he freaked. I looked down in horror as Darwin's toes squeezed together, further pushing the dog crap through the tops of his toes and between his nails. What to do? Stella was prancing around picking up sticks and pulling on the leash while Darwin begins hopping on three feet waving his poopy foot around. I pull him over to the outdoor faucet and turn it on. Darwin hates water. He lunges away and I pull his leg back to the faucet. After much wrestling I manage to get his foot under the faucet. The poo splashes all over my pajama pants as Darwin shakes his foot like a horse kicking something from behind. I want to scream but act casual. I would hate to have my freaky neighbors see me like this.

Once inside the house Maizie and Christian begin with their endless requests. But I have bigger fish to fry. I have to get Darwin into the kitchen without him touching anything. Obviously this is not possible. I tell him to stay which to my surprise he does. I sprint to the bathroom and get the baby wipes. Lucky for me Darwin sits calmly as I meticulously clean his paw and toe nails with the baby wipes. I consider his calm behavior a miracle and thank God. Where would I be without baby wipes? These are the best things in the world. I will keep them on hand for the rest of my life. So handy!

Finally, Darwin is clean and I realize I need to tend to my own pajama nightmare. Gross. At moments like this I wonder why on earth I have two dogs. Like Mindy said today, "I don't know how or why you do it? I would never... ever have a dog in my house!" Yeah. Yeah. As little Christian would say, "Whatever."
Once I feed the kids and get a few chores done I sit down to play a game of Sorry with Christian and Maizie. Oh, how I do not like that game. It takes forever! Christian handled his pawns being repeatedly returned to their 'home' spot very well. This is a huge improvement from his past crying melt downs every time a game does not go to his advantage. That's four year olds for ya.

Mid morning I get a text from Mindy asking what I am up to. Well, if she had answered my text message yesterday she would have known! I bring this up to her...via text and she sends back a reply that she never got the text message. Argh. My phone must really suck or people are avoiding me. I suddenly feel paranoid. I need a new phone.

Mindy and Maralyn come over and the kids all play upstairs in Maizie's room. Yeah! Adult conversation. Mindy immediately comments that my house smells like I was cleaning. Yup. I was scrubbing every inch of the kitchen after my morning poo adventure. I tell Mindy I was cleaning just to impress her and she nods knowingly. Mindy and I have been diligently working to watch all of The L Word together. We are way behind. At first I was not enjoying the show at all but like most soap opera like shows, it grew on me.

Janeen and Brian invited us over tonight for dinner. Well, I had called them asking if they were going anywhere for dinner tonight. In other words, "Can we go with you to dinner if you are going out?" Janeen, being the wonderful momma that she is was making dinner. A few minutes later she called me back and invited me and Maizie over for some home cooking. She mashed the potatoes herself. I hardly ever do that. What great friends.
After dinner the baby monitor lit up and we all heard a voice coming from it. Brian went over, picked it up and we all proceeded to listen intently. Brian had a look of total fascination. Sometimes baby monitors pick up noises from the neighbors or ghosts or some weird stuff like that. After watching Brian holding the monitor to his ear for what seemed like a very long time I realize the voice is not an unknown voice. It is the voice of Sarah Silverman from my cell phone ringer! I bust out laughing and tell Brian it is my cell phone not the baby monitor. He laughs...just a little...and I find the whole thing funny enough I am still kinda laughing about it tonight. I love technology. But, did I mention I hate my cell phone and want a new one in a real bad way? Hint. Hint.

If you want to hear the cell phone ring click HERE and scroll down to 'I Don't Have a Cell Phone'.